A really hard to blog post.

I doubt no one reads so far.
its been hard on me to blog this post . It may not seem so in my "Make knwn to everybody blog"
But this is a secret blog. i can rant , and talk freely as i want.
i so wanted to cry. i so wanted to scream. i so wanted to talk and laugh as freely as i can.
Yes. no doubt nothing bad has fallen on me . But sometimes it feel as thou i m not completed yet.
And no doubt thou i am attached to no one , different guys keep running through my mind,
and that makes me feel so bloody fucking stupid , silly. whatever you can name
But just not horny . i didnt think of doing them up didnt i !!?
SO NO HORNY FOR THAT FILL IN THE BLANKS. thanks .
same words keep running through my mind. No i do not need a man , i do not fucking need a guy shoulders to lean , arghh. whatever,
main point "i do not need a guy" keep running throough my mind.
why do i even need a guy when i m having tons of attention at guys who wants me bad.
it occurs to me that , whenever i like someone , someone will never like me .
And no matter what other guys who want me did , i do not want them , nor anything to do w them.
Ahuh. so thats the point fr why i havent been in a r/s for so long.
R/s normally it would just be another topic fr me and my girls. but now since i m blogging in my secret blog. i would tell you honestly , how much i wanted fr someone to be in my life right now.
Anyone , someone ,

I just wish that i would call someone when i m lonely , when i m bored or even when i m on my way home from my school , meetings and dates.
Wish that someone would praise about me every now and then , frm the botton of his heart.( On a clearer note , it has been like that so exclude this )
Wish that he would surprise me , I love abs love surprise .
Wish that whenever i am sad , he would appear with my favourite durians. or whatever. sweet things just to see me smile.
Wish that i can hao lian him to my cliques and friends.
Wish that he is the one i truly love .
.... okay wordy post.bye