i m back after a long time !

Hey my lovely blog ! miss me all this while i m not here?
sorry to neglect u ! but wordpress can hides my sorrow. so ...
i m too lazy to come ! but well. here i m ! now i blog my sorrow , pour it out to you .
cos this is the place i would feel so much like myself. feel like no one would come here and disturb whatever i say .
i love this blog (:

enough about the lovey dovey part. lets go straight into my ranting .
srsly , IF all this wasnt real then dont lead me on already , treat me like what you did yesterday.
SIMPLE AND NICE , it will really end things then , lead me on & you will srslsy find it hard to get rid of me .
& please . why do you only talk to me when jason talks?
he lead you to talk to me ? or he persuade you to talk to me ? or , the worst you cant bear me talking to him?
why?
facebook i added him , you added me . he dont talk to me , you dont talk. & when he do and you do .
what th fuck you want. i fucking ask you.
what the silly fuck you want?
you are jealous we talked? you bloody like him? (please dont tell me that i fucking faint )
is that all coincidental. or is that all jealousy ?
Jason is a good guy & i wont hurt him , yes i bloody swear upon this post.
(((((:
& you . you hurt me , more then once , & i think its your turn to get this kind of treatment already .
but i cant help but smile when the conv w your name blinks.
On the other contary hand, i tried to annalyse. i tried to think why ? why would you only shows this kind of attention on me when jason talks,
two reasons seems so true .
1. you like jason. ( which i will bloody faint if this is true )
2. you are jealous over him . ( which i dk why )
damn this is so possible.
you are drivin me crazy with all this drama. like a shitzxz ..
you made my body clock goes without rest. & you made my whole world just crumple. fuck it, fuck it .
After knowing you , my IQ from 100 can become Genius IQ cn. with so many questions . & yet to be found answer. i m going maaaaad.

03/05/2009
12:05:51 AM
Jiale Says : what are you trying to test?
hahaha, have to takecare eh!
03/05/2009
12:05:56 AM
Jiale Says : what are you trying to test?
Get well sooooon(:
03/05/2009
12:06:20 AM
tyfin
yes ok
03/05/2009
12:06:25 AM
tyfin:dont worry
03/05/2009
12:06:36 AM
tyfin:nv say smth like drink more water
03/05/2009
12:06:38 AM
tyfin:rest well
03/05/2009
12:06:40 AM
tyfin:etc
03/05/2009
12:06:41 AM
tyfin:haha
03/05/2009
12:06:47 AM
Jiale Says : what are you trying to test:haha
03/05/2009
12:06:53 AM
Jiale Says : what are you trying to test?
at least i say smth good
03/05/2009
12:06:59 AM
Jiale Says : what are you trying to test?
didnt curse you right?! lol
03/05/2009
12:07:49 AM
tyfin
yea then i shld thanks u alr
03/05/2009
12:07:52 AM
tyfin
for not cursing me
03/05/2009
12:07:54 AM
tyfin:haha


I WISHED TIME COULD INDEFINETELY STOP ON THAT MOMENT .
I WISHED YOU COULD BE MINE.
MISS YOU . I REALLY CAN CRY CAUSE OF THIS STUPID CONVER.
its your birthday ytd. yet i could nt wish you.
fuck it .

A really hard to blog post.

I doubt no one reads so far.
its been hard on me to blog this post . It may not seem so in my "Make knwn to everybody blog"
But this is a secret blog. i can rant , and talk freely as i want.
i so wanted to cry. i so wanted to scream. i so wanted to talk and laugh as freely as i can.
Yes. no doubt nothing bad has fallen on me . But sometimes it feel as thou i m not completed yet.
And no doubt thou i am attached to no one , different guys keep running through my mind,
and that makes me feel so bloody fucking stupid , silly. whatever you can name
But just not horny . i didnt think of doing them up didnt i !!?
SO NO HORNY FOR THAT FILL IN THE BLANKS. thanks .
same words keep running through my mind. No i do not need a man , i do not fucking need a guy shoulders to lean , arghh. whatever,
main point "i do not need a guy" keep running throough my mind.
why do i even need a guy when i m having tons of attention at guys who wants me bad.
it occurs to me that , whenever i like someone , someone will never like me .
And no matter what other guys who want me did , i do not want them , nor anything to do w them.
Ahuh. so thats the point fr why i havent been in a r/s for so long.
R/s normally it would just be another topic fr me and my girls. but now since i m blogging in my secret blog. i would tell you honestly , how much i wanted fr someone to be in my life right now.
Anyone , someone ,

I just wish that i would call someone when i m lonely , when i m bored or even when i m on my way home from my school , meetings and dates.
Wish that someone would praise about me every now and then , frm the botton of his heart.( On a clearer note , it has been like that so exclude this )
Wish that he would surprise me , I love abs love surprise .
Wish that whenever i am sad , he would appear with my favourite durians. or whatever. sweet things just to see me smile.
Wish that i can hao lian him to my cliques and friends.
Wish that he is the one i truly love .
.... okay wordy post.bye

Its been two years plus , or more then that .

Single for that long. what happened?

Nobody believe even when i tell them ?

Does the problem lies w me , or them ?

Seriously. it has been going in my head for , millions trillions time , somehow, its a .. curse or smth ? is it ?

'The guys i like woould never be interested in me, they would rather be interested in one ugly girl then me .

I knw and yes , jo told me , love isnt about looks , and it will looks will nv be a piority in true love .

yes i know. but why always?

then , grw so pretty for?

okay , whatever. assumption okay! i buay song can .i don like can ,

why ? last time when i was ugly duckling , everybody says , i m ugly , i would make do w somethings. bla

I dont hope for any guys to like me , i know i m inferior.

But nw?

When people look. they will say , aiseh pretty girl seh, thy wont notice my flaws anymore,

but why when i think about it . i still think i m inferior.

whr am i inferior?

i FEEL like crying at this lonely night,

why is there no shoulder fr me?

Heyo . i say hey and you say yo.
sometimes in life , i just do not know what i want .
its like my life is in a mess. like you , like studies , like job.
If they say that . life is just like a thousand of test put tgt , thn i knew i must be a bad student that hv F in all of life modules.
Love , family, friends , and evrything.
what hv i done after all of my living these years?
what can i do , expect in my life , after i grw up .
theres this song , Que sera.
no doubt . its lyrics is meaningful to me . my favourite life quote is from there. and it will never change.
People always tell me . see things , see life from other angle. and i might find smthg frm there.
still. i cant find it .
why ? am i born to be a useless bum in this world?

You , yes you , tyfin zhikai.
I donknow why . i got this deadly attraction to you.
jo thinks you are like Hua ze rui. was it why? i was attracted.
cause of your mysterious. what is this? i like guys tt are mysterious?
i m so sick and tired of all these.
people do not believe i Do not hv a boyf ,
out of 10 , probably only 1 believe .
i just dont know why. attractive am i ?
pretty am i?
sometime i just do not hv the confidence anymore
. not any of the , yea i m not inferior t you confident anymore.
thats tiring . to be honest . to keep telling myself that i m pretty.
sometimes its more tiring to keep up to you .
i feel that . i m giving up. this time for real.

Just like that fool .

Whats wrong,
yes, mayb to you all nothing is wrong,
try it then , ask for help and then nobody cares about you.
your request. wtf is wrong w her. its just bloody $3 - $4 plus
its not like i cant afford it . Just that i do not hv money now, i just Borrowed and motherfcuker.
my mother act like its 3000 over. dollars.
pleaseeeeeeeeee man. its Not
maybe its the environment made her this way , life circrumstances . but fuck.
we still can bloody afford $4-5 easily .
whats wrong?!! FUCK .. i m not angry bcos of money
its bcos , you are alone , you are helpless, and you call your dad , his line is cut. he dont bothers to call back.
You call your mum , she ask you wait for maid to tk money come. FOR WHAT?!
knnnnn. maid not human , maid no need walk. maid fly?
_____________________________________
whatever

Songs listening : Xiao Jiu Wo - JJ lin.

: Let it go . - rosa blabla . billboard singers.

I really hope frap can be right here nw. its th only thing tht can cheer me up in dark nights like this.

i hv been a shit these few days, yea. overly worried for my pimples - which ps : shows no improvement , Fuck seriously. i m past caring it now

okay almost okay.

i miss my clear face. ( Thou ppl prefer now make up skills, Bla )

PS: those people are superficial lah =x

Anw , my blog , used to be , there are like lots of , new people , pass by passerby bla,

don know who are they, but thats fine.

Anw. since sat , he nv onlines , nv talk to me , nv see him @ school

Never was always th result i got when i wanted so much was just ; talk or see him.

Fuck , was that even hard ? i m not like requesting him to be my boyf right!?

oh okay, mayb we are just not meant to be.

but it was just a talk.

& yea, what did i do wrong again,

sucks. you sucks for not talking t me , you sucks becos you only talk to me when you are bored

i sucks because i m a fool for talking to you when you are bored.

i sucks because i cant have you .

Fuck. blogging makes me better.

nd xiao jiu wo makes me think of you ! even thoou i dun fucking know why you send me tt song for,

, well. fuck it all off

see as time goes then,

I abs love this quote.

i walk this lonely road , donknow where it goes - boulevard of broken dream.

talked to him tday. he talk to me ytd.

confusing, yes i know.

he did reply me tday .

talk for a ... veryvry short while.

tyfin said:
ya i just wake up not long ago
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
haha, oooo. i seee(:
tyfin said:
u also
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
i also what ?
tyfin said:
stay at home
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
uh . yups.
tyfin said:
hmm ok
i go buy food
brb

( BUY FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT ,

OBVIOUS HE LIE. FUCK)

this was all th conv. see the . whole thing , how it starts and end.

you can see he wasnt keen to talk t me at all .

somehow. i hv become another fool again

shda hv listen to bk.

i shouldnt hv think he auto talk to me cos he hv a teeny fucking weeny bit of interest in me.

why ? why my friends are always right, while i m always wrong.

Ytd conv was bcos he was bored.

so it was like.

tada it was obvious. i was just someone he look for when he is BORED.

fucking get this into your mind,

arghh, fuckers. i hate canoe guys i swear. damn.

and PS i felt so fucking happy when winnie say JW girlfriend which she say she saw IS LIKE NT PRETTY AT ALL!

fuck off girl.

so jw, you aint having a good life like i thought you had ar.

Darmnnnnn ):

Cant speak anymore.
well. been days, i hvnt had any chance of talking to him .
saw him in school tday ,
first in th lift lobby of block34. and then @ block 50.
he was in the car.
(i suspect he saw me alrd.)
man i feel like blogging out all my fucking feelings now.
i felt so fcuked up right now.
Nobody is here for me.. & what make it worst , yongquan told me his feelings.
i dontwant t know , in enough of shit alrd.
acted like i donknow. well in full. i m not interested in him anymore, & i dont want him to waste time on me , and i dont wanna bluff myself believing i would re-accept him again.
Back to tyfin topics. i donknow , bt i think he saw me ,cause he peek his head out of window and look . however. fucking girls walk alrd. so car went by.
and in a spur moment , i then realise , he was in the car.
so much for like hundreds of seconds standing there looking blurly @ the car to look out for handsomes.
In the end , found no handsome but him staring blankly out , (Might be looking fr me ? )
Okay whatever . its no main point,
main point is , i acted all so stupid, i Shouted like. EH JIALING tyfin leh!
EWT girls and guys in front are looking as me though i saw show lo .
Thy are glancing up and down & laughing at me as a joke i suppose.
... jialing, being a good frien just say , its only tyfin, why you shout lik you see your boyfriend.
... i m speechless.

Kinda after that stoned in briefting talk,
wondering much about me and him ,
wondering does his nick hv any meaning to any other girls.
i m tired .
shall g, bye .
its a lonely lonely day . and i dont suppose thrs any shoulders fr me to lean on .
whatever,

Fuchhhhhyou.

cute word? i just learn from my bro. when i say fuckk you.

he will say. fuch you. Cause he scared i would tell mummy he speak vuglarities.

ahh, so thts how fuch you come. and nw, i would use Fuch you , in'std(:

Okay main main point is , he dont talk to me anymore.

like , as in auto.

and god. i m really tired of auto alr la.

so like fine. i wil just gonna live it on without him.

lost a chance ytd of taking his number. dont mind losing it again,

& according to his pm . i m like quite sure, he got someone he like alr.

i m not going in naively and be this stupid girl again.

well . wish him luck,

damn. can i not like anyone anymore!!?

FUCK. FUCK FUCK.

better dont talk to him,

this time no more. i swear. unless he talk first.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEN?!
WHAT THE FUCK!!
idiotic , bimbotic , vain me. even what the f happens , i dont know.
what happen to my happy family?
what happen to the father i know that wil never hurt us in a million years.
what happen to all the family quality time together.
all these change bcos of money! DAMN THE MONEY!
damn you okay!

empty promise , all these was given bcos you do not want to hurt us anymore
bt do you know. lies hurt more then anything.
you broke my dreams , broke my everything, & now you wish i do not blame you.
i wish too. but i cant do it.
deep in my heart , engineers earn alot . but what about you?
FUCK FOOTBALLS MATCHES. thy ruin you, ruin us , ruin me.
f uckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
i never know how hard it is to be frugal.
now i know. & i swear i wont want to lead this life again.
please. i hope i could just die now. yes
even boiling water kills me !
i m tt bimbotic okay?!!
fuck hate thn kill me. i will thanks you by becoming your . whatever in my next life.

TIME TO GROW UP.
18 , AND PEOPLE ENJOY . I SUFFER. THANKS A MILLION
"MY FAVOURITE DAD IN THE WORLD"

Yes, i finally cried yesterday.
fr the same guy , i cried fr 4 months ago, or was it longer.
i thought i was over him.
initially thought.
i was right, i was never over him. was i ?
i don know. from the moment , havannias was on my leg. i felt like theres a familarity creeping inside me. a kind of emotion so strong that waiting to rush out like a running river.
cried myself to sleep. thought of those times together.
Told myself. its over , told myself i hv to stand strong. & not crumple down to such a state.
Told myself. i want him to regret. regret for not choosin me.
i m going to be more beautiful than ever.
i m not gonna cry anymore , i tell myself. cos i deserve better
and , zjw will come crying, crawling back to me!
i m back to one.
& i am going to climb from th very basic. and reach the top!

pimples -free.
Eyelid op.
(: Thats all i need to become gorgeous like forever . With no make up needed!
WOO
amazing yes. cmon (:

because tonight i will fall for you.

it has been total 6 days since he was online,
i don think he blocked me , cause facebook he last log in was 18 , which is last sat
.
damn , why didnt he online?
he is so damn fucking busy?
with what, school ? club? girls? or?
i dunno what. i m so confused.
sometimes just a simple talk would brighten up my days.
often just a bit of talks,question , i would appreciate it much.
but now. there wasnt even a simple hello.
i really hope you are here right now. yes tyfin. yes i miss you quite alot.
c:

ohgosh, finnnn(:

Been not talkin to him for 3 days alr i guess. or more thn that,
i really misses him.
didnt see him@ school too.
what happen to the fate between us?
缘分说的也奇怪，要它来，它偏偏选择不来，要它不来，它偏偏悄悄的找上来。
他和我，本来从来都不可能会认识的。本来的我，也从来不可能会对一个那么平凡的他有兴趣。
可能那么说，我很坏。
平凡到底要用什么来形容，用什么来表达？ 怎么样才算真正的平凡。
他，算平凡吗？
现在的我，真的好想他。
. everytime , i wanna type lots of things. when there are many needed to say,
however, when i start, i cant rmb what i actually want t say,
but , its in my heart. its painful,


i donknow whether its me , or my lonelineess in my heart.
its creeping up.
the love, the misses. it feels like a strong surge of emotions coming up.
maybe, maybe not. i really feel like theres something going on.
. are you or are you not , interested in me ?
shit .

朋友，
俗话说得好， 朋友不需要太多。 几个要好的就可以了。
也许， 我自己也不好。 所以和满多朋友也开始疏远了。

。。。 寂寞` 真的不好受。
我好想摆脱寂寞的怀抱。好想和自己心爱的人可以在一起。
18 岁的生日愿望，我只要这个
， 听起来，好可悲吧。
但说也奇怪。我不是什么丑女孩，
我是个别人看一眼，还会转回头看的那个“街上女孩”，
可能是平凡了吧， 所以，自己爱上的那个，从不留意我已爱上他。
或是， 他自己也没想到我会爱上他，
阿啊啊啊啊啊。。 我快要发疯了。
失心疯吧。=((.

hard work?

Hello peopleeeeeeee. i m back to post latest.

guess what , i really am losing it , i did talk to him .

ya la. my will power is not strong what . first plce it wasnt alr.. then i saw his nick lor.

"need your loving hands to pick me up " , then change to "fuck you"

woah. curiousity kills the cat . seriously=x

then we started talking, he was dota -ing thts why he late reply me.

should hv know, i kinda suspect him for not wanting to talk to me you see .

i feel bad. i ought to.

in the end , he was kind. whn i ask him like did i disturb him or stuffs.

he replied : no since he stop playing . then he went to bath like 20 mins cause insect died on him.

hahaha, was like funny and weird. cant help but laugh at him sometimes.

then he was back, and we continued our conversation.

i ask him about what he was going to do, dvd or slp. and he replied : nah, neither , talk to you first . Bahhhh, now we know why rach head over heels w him.

i mean he is a (: guy. good lah!

talk about marley and me , wonder , and my evil maid.

he was damn funny , call my previous maid mad. he was really a fun guy.

anw. came to the part he went to slp after talking like 30 mins with me ? was it 30 ? maybe lesser,

he did say a fucking nice thing : slp early okay!

oh god. rach , now is my turn to say he is cute ,

oh gosh! =="

stop it ! i m slping alr lah! bye everyone (:

LIARS,

Wew. i m blogging here , yes i m ,
whats that surprise expression for? no not you but is me i m talking bout.
cause i m the one reading all these nonsensical stuffs i m writting down here,
i havent talk t him. i m still keeping it. but bloody fuck . it seems i m not holding down any longer.
you know that kind of feeling ,
like i-miss-you-so-much-wanna-talk-to-you-but-dissapointed kind of feeling ,
yes i m feeling it now,
& it shucks to be honest.
nobody told me its going to be so hardwork and will to not talk to him
& bloody fuck , its just a talk. like it will hurt me --"
but i m too bloody fuck scared. yea i m a cat. whatever i say okay.
i m just a cat who havent even walk out of jiawei`s failure.

Anw, i googled him yesterday . no i m not a fucking pervert .
but internet is a slump ytd.
you know , there are hollywood stars of my every ex name, songs.
bloody fuck, & out of curiousity , i was wondering tyfin was it really a unique name like only he has it
and guess what i googled out, he was the only person that have this name out of like trillions people in this world.
WAHHHH. TALK ABOUT UNIQUENESS.
his mom definetely wants him to be unique.
okay i m definetely out of question now .
back-to-what-i-am-suppose-to-get-out-NOW
. pfft. i m a cat. i know im a cat.
okay , he is still online. & he havent talk to me. like he will.
miracles dont happen always you see boon jl ,
but i didnt missed this one didnt i ?
i m always being myself in this one, didnt act a single bit .
but why isnt he interested , in like at all --'
anw i googled. & shows on canoe polo info.
his fucking bloody bday is on feb29.
why does he even bother to hide his birthday from me.
& google even shows me to rachelle blog.
he is a fuck BLOODY mix blood --" wtf .
HE IS LYING ALL THIS WHILE?! but why?
he can be true to them but not me? why. do i pose a threat to you.
shita!

为什么事情总是那么复扎。
不管是那一个，总会让我在最有保握的时候让我从高处跌下来

好久了，都还没遇上彼此都会互相喜欢的人。
看着朋友，一个一个都开始有男朋友。不经意便开始觉得自己是不是没人要了！！
常常，晚上都是我思想的时间。
从“他”开始延续到我现在“有感情”的一个男孩。

“鱼翅”我和姐妹给他的小名，好久都没跟他说到一句话了。
不管怎么样否认自己喜欢他，但没跟他说话，
心里总会很难受。
像“邱”起来一样。

我好想他，不知道他最近好吗？

tyfin is all i can think now

I m not being me tday . its unlike me to just sit & type here early in the night.
he is not talking to me too.
i donknow what might happen next , but i m thinking maybe what winx say was right?
he was never interested in me.. okay , what now?
like i m interested?
m i ? it is quite a fun talking to him , relaxing &humorous.
he was my type.
he doont see looks. i know that , even if he did , i m not losing out anything..
okay since its secret blog. then i will say.
cos its the only place i can say i think i m quite pretty & nobody to critisize i buay ba or what!
hahahahhaha! =x
Seriously . i told winx , and she say that ,he was not interested in me bcos he did nt get my number. @ first i told her , i hope you are wrong. cos maybe tyfin is just not that type of auto person.
she said. i hope so.
oh frankly , winx . your words fucking come true everytime.
&&& i m really.. sad. yes fuckingly to be exact.
i hv had enough w single. i hv had enought of loving someone but he does not love me back.
i mean i had enough waiting for people.
i m seriously totally wept out, tired , shag-ed . i really want to just .. want to find a shoulder that could lend me to lean when i m tired,
but. what to do? i cant accept people who love me , but i dont love them ,
in a exact way , i m picky. i see looks.

i m fuckingly sick of like tyfin not talking to me. and pretending not to see me online when in fact i m just online in front of him.
nothing is coming out.
yes, just go away boon jiale .
tyfin wont like you , in days, months, years to come ! fuck off ):

Hey hunks and babes that visit here. errr. by accident or what?!
Lol. i m back from genting fyi (:

.Yes. he did online just now.
but he didnt talk t me. whats up man?
why did he change? fuck, hot & cold.
i had enough.
its time to live my own fuck life now.
no jiawei,. mickey. nor any fucking guys .
i do not need nor want them! ):

Heart fails me.

Heys. i m here again .
on a . random basis lik you can say.
i m talking to him. yes i auto-roam again.
i mean like i told god, i just want to chat w him before i m off to genting. thats all.
since i caught him online. then fine. chat abit since god alr grant me my chance.
nevermind about me falling w him, or ah winx say i dont attract him or anything.
so what? i m only chatting w him.
okay. so thats what i think? but why does my heart hurts now?
Like i m betraying my own will.
okay . fuck evrything. i m off to genting tmr. so just enjoy this conv . and if theres any chance then grab it. if none. then fuck it off.
its just another guy i fails to get only . Happens always.
i will be better in no time . i guess. (:

yes, i m boring , i m stupid. unkind etc. fuck it all off okay!
zjw got himself a nice girl. mickey got yanting . BLOODY FUCK.
they fails me yet they have better then me.
what a bloody fucking unfair world! cb! --"
i m going club. i m gng rebel. fuck off la. piorities my foot.

Heart fails me.

HE IS NOT ONLINE YET =(
AND IS BLOODY 12:23 . --"



Miracles please happen again. before i left fr genting
please let me talk t Tyfin. i beg you.
don let what ahwinx say turn true =(

PS : I LOVE YOU

oh god , genting is making my head bigger

Goodness. sisters are making my head veryvery big lah! jiu shi aneh lah!

jialat la! bu hao plan she me overseas liao. money matters la, & ahbee thy all coming also,

make till i say no also paiseh.

Anw , tday he is not online. Hao la

HE = T .MAN

Aiya. so sian. everytime online cant see him i will from =) become =(
so like you guess. tday my mood is . freaking =(

anw. i wonder. if i ever saw him in skl . what should i do ?

say HELLO TYFIN. or .. ehhhh. ehhh heheh. ni hao?

or . wave hands* or WEI HELLO (:

then then? finish hello say what ?

oh god ? shit super ps , in msn so sou* also not seems to be such a good thing ,

okay but ... tday topic is !! >>

KNOWING SOMEONE IS A ULTERIOR MOTIVE.

subtitle - Taking msn , phone number equates to ulterior motive.

sub sub title - Taking msn phone number means you`re interested in him . as in like him (:

Okay lets go in more details. i should say , okay if a girl or boy or in simple words.

A Human , when he/she saw a "hot" human being.

Automatically he/she will pay more attention to that human being and lk oh well (: smile to them or talk to them . in a more extreme case when that hot is Burnt , like bloody hot , or maybe feel some affinity. people wants to know "hot" humans , affinity , looks plays part ,

okay back to hot topic.

so if that guy/girls interested in knowing, will tk msn , phone numbers from that person. or that person friend.

and auto talk t him/her . okays. then this happen,

sometimes some people will tend to think . woah. this one tk from me one , NOT BAD AH.

or sometimes some people tend to think

wlao sibey ugly ah. still dare tk frm me. lj one la. wan chance , next life okay..

okays thats not the main point MAIN ONE is. if that person tk your msn or number.

you believe no motive one? sorry then you are too naive if you just think its just another friend,

out of 10 only 4 tk for fun. others all is ... you know. got xing qu de lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

OKAY MAIN POINT LAI LIAO!

------------------------------------------------------ ta ta

i don know wan tk tyfin phone number not.

cos he havent ask from me what?!

BUT HE TALK LIKE MACHIAM GOT INTEREST LEH!

eh,2 times liao hor. he auto talk t me. eh got sweet sweet sumore.

aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. taoyan, face ang ang liao =x

but jw na ge shuai but stupid guy oso he ownself give de lehs. =x

HOW AHHHHHHHHHH?

sibey ... mao dun =x

but if dont tk thn only can online chat.

iff like tday never online thn the whole day gone liao.

but got number then can chat even not online lehhhhhhhhhhhhhh ): how?

I wish 24 hours would be shorter.
i wish everyone was less busy. so i can hv more companions.
Ramblings on & on.
Never did i know even a free life would be so upset .
i felt life empty , i felt my goal gng far from me.
i don feeel loved. i don feel much. everyday is the same old routine for me.
Sleep ,eat , watch tv /play ds/ go out / make up / Dinner / etc. Believe it , tday is my first time online in this few wks.
no i m not busy , i m just using all these to keep myself busy.
to keep myself from being online.
i know online i will talk t him automatically
i just want to test my patience , his . or ours? i wanna let him think i m not here anymore.
i want him to miss me.
sadly. he doesnt .
he dont leave offline message for me.
he dont leave msg in facebook for me.
maybe to him , it is just plain wu liao. for me its sweet. its signifigant.
okay . why do i say till like he like me like that. simple ? cos i want it to be that way.
but its hard.
i m so bored. i want to fly.
i want to accomplish great things.

Anw i think yqwm is a very nice spore show.
it talks about competition . love , superficial beauty and inner beauty .
godness. its just my show.
cried alot cos some just shows out how i m feeling.
ahhhh . its a nice show definetely.
and it makes you realise how much some people means to you.
(:

okay he is talking to me.
should i ask for handphone number?
godness. ciaos then (:

How many have really realise what we are living for.
what is our goal or aim in life?
If we did something wrong , we are punish . from young babies to adult .
all these have been done to educate us. to make us a better person.
isnt it right?
how many could hv known that all these only make us do more wrong. to othes to ourself.
From olden days to now.
people starts to question themselves.
The love education or the cane education.
If tday it happens that you are the parents , what will you choose?
Can life really be rewrite , clean to a state that no marks have been there before.
if yes , can i go back to my young age and i will make everything different from there.
Even my scars.



I miss T . but we are nt talking . cos i hvnt been online these few nights
had a nice dream of us last night . but well it is not gng t happen.
nothing is real in tt dream even T. face.
fate plays a huge part . but individual ?
Nothing comes out good even i try . Mickey case is , Jiawei case is .
i have lost hope in trying . what good is trying if nothing comes out of it .
maybe. i should stop finding , and let him try to find me .
So what should i do ?
who is my mr right? or like chunhow says , i will never be able to find him.
single. attached , what is best for me?
so many guys i met. but not one is serious. not one even ask me to trust him and be w him
WHY DO I NEED SO MANY. i only need one. to love , care and trust me .
who will be the one?
___________________________________
My another masterpiece.

JIALAT LA! BOONJIALE GOT ANOTHER ONE LA. LAI LA. BEAT WO LA!(:

tyfin says:?
?haha actually i gtg?
?going slp soon?
?but i realise chating with is such a fun thing
Jiale says:
?hahaha
tyfin says:
?so i decide to stay long
?compliment*
Jiale says: says:
?sure not?
?no
?this is a nice one! lol
tyfin says:?hahah ok la
?seriously i going slp soon
?i need wake up early

Jiale says:
okay nice one .
another compliment!!
ahaha
?i realise i m such a nice person(:
tyfin says:
?ok i realise that also
?point noted
?hahah

tyfin says:
?alamak
?so early slp
?lousy ar
Jiale says. Miracles. says:
?hahaha., you go yr rebel right?
tyfin says:?yea it is just like accompany my frens go
?haha
iale says: Miracles. says:
?hahahha, oh! lols?okays! (:




_______________________________________________________________
Please bloody ignore the questionmark! it is made by the damn msn msger!!2!@!@$.
nevertheless tday conversation is bloody nice. but i don understand. why he still hvnt get my hp num .
oh damn ~
i m flying , running wild. walking towards him ,
gosh, every conv w him just make me gng more twrds him
any kind soul will kindly bloody interprete abv conv to me.
let me know it is safe to fall on him
.. hahahhaha.
YA BIAN NI ((:

i realise i like guys that are cute &humourous
!just lik you Mr . T (:
i realise you are just my type!
why didnt i find you earlier then him? maybe i wont get hurt.
But you go clubbing . what? should i trust .
Even you go clubbing.
in my memory , secondary skl memory . old memory , you are so cute & naive
just like a small lil boy that needs people love.
you std w this sports girl that is not pretty.
you dont see looks @ all dont you.
prove me right ya?
i need to know more about you huh , what should i do next?
what if you treat every girls same way.
even my sis pretty friend wan to know you,
kay i more pretty thn her =x lols
but . i know you go clubbing always lots of girls around you ,
shit la!
Another JW?
maybe i m not even in love w you. oh fuck! what am i talking =x sorry !
fuck la! i miss you ! damn! you asshole. another asshole again --"
sorry mrT . couldnt help it . hope you don sneeze& have a swweet dream!

Hope tmr you would talk t me again!
i m not nice in being auto.
though i m always being auto w you):
hahaahaha, damn you! you also know one lor! .. hahahaha
miss you chng tye- fin

I was damn happy tday!
hehehehehe! well. maybe only for tday but it was rather enough.
know what!
he is back from what i call long trip to hongkong. --"
goshness. &hes back! what more he started talking to me tday!
wooo , @ long last. &well we really had long conv tday. no not as long as 1-2 hour. but its long considering our history of chat.
but what mde me really happy is . he talk to me FIRST! =D
wahlao. f*king happy really.
even for once , yes i m contented.
((:

Mood : Anticipation

Music : What can i do to make you love me (;

Shiny and bright picture upstairs to match my mood tday(:
Well. not very match lahs =x
but , well i anticipate in this pict . & i anticipate now , i really hope this cute guy will talk t me automatically . dear god i pray(:

Anw . i havent heard from zjw since .
i really missed those times .
as in , i `ve moved on ( well maybe not totally )
But i have move on a lil by lil (:
but those times. those times i irritated him by acting blur. those times he tell me he was sorry cause he got pms , those times we dance together. those times we talked and sms , those time when we really hv those "fishy lil things going on "
well. moving on is a hard thing to do ,
but i m glad i did it (:

Anw. cliques is not getting better.
i really missed secondary school times alot.
when i can see my sisters and beloved jojo everyday .
when we can joke everyday , when i make fun of teacher thy would say "nono"& shake their head at me
when i can tell them anything . when me and jojo wil walk home frm hss to her house tgt
When i can go jojo house movie marathon everyday !
tsk! i really wish time would turn back
, i would make everything different .
i swear my life would be better.

Sometimes i really wish it would work out

its enough being single for 2 yr.

please god . i dunnwanna be single pls :(

Mood: Happy&Painfully lonely ,
Venue: inside my own room .
Music listened to : 伯乐

OOOOOOO~
ITS BEEN LONG.
hahahaha, amazingly i m still alive ,kicking and shouting .
nah, not amazing at all.
bt its amazing how FINE i am without him .
well , i saw her . ( caroline ) with him in np , atrium . they walked pass me .
the way he look at her, i cant bear to see. but i still stole a glance.
she way happily talking . he was listening . However i saw no smile on his face .
uh hhhhh, i was just describing how he looked , i didnt say he was unhappy. nor am i saying he was happy w me .
maybe thats just his face.
Anw. after i saw them , my tears uncontrotably roll down, well a few only cos i was wearing make ups.
As usual , my day is ruined ..
i took a long time to come this far.
and now , maybe he is just the past.
i wish him all the best. (:
i

my wish for you (:

i only want the best for you.

& yes. i m not steppin in to NUM anytime soon .

(:

I m really tired of humans life & Behaviour.
Sickening was all i can spell out.
One moment they can be all over you , dying to know you . Another fucking moment they would turn their back against yours.
Backstabbing. hyprocrites & Liars ,
i really dont understand why do they even exist.

Seriously , how many of us have real close friends that we might really label as close.
seldom have i labelled really close friend.
seldom i have those real feelings twds a friend .
yes , might be i m a hyprocrite too. i don deny.
i know someone not cause i truly wna know her . Maybe for some good uses.
ITS REALLY DISTURBING .
i really donknow why i would feel this way , why i would act this way.
totally disgusted.

Humans heart are very sneaky ,
sometimes one might be friendly and good to you , giving you all the chances in the world but another time when you see them , thy would change 180 degrees. denying of all the chance you have, yes , why i would say this is bcos of ZhangJiawei nick .
Parasites? is he saying me . i m really curious.
However ignorance is bliss right.
Cause if i find out he is saying me , i would be sad for sure. so why not just i dont cross his path he dont cross mine.
However easy i m saying it here. Its hard to forget about him.
Though we have nothing bt things happen. and this sort of things is not like you wna forget , one day you would.
i really hate it . hate him . but what can i do,
is all my one sided feelings.
who can i blame

Friends have been really a drag to me .
i start to dread the thought of going to skl.
mainly cause i m nothing to my clique. maybe i shouldnt feel this way .
but i really dont think they are treating me as though i m their clique.
we are not acting like how a clique should be.
i feel like getting out. i know they will be more thn happy.
i really hate the feeling of you treating others as friend or good friends but they dont feel the same.
wtf. It is really hurting.
i m crying. i m bleeding . but who can i talk to .
who can i REALLY depends on.

I m single for almost 2 yrs.
ys though i m never really alone .
i have suitors all the way . is only me that donwanna get attached. don wna commit to anyone
is my fault . however. could i commit to someone i don like.
if is you , would you do it , just for the sake of being attached ?
but on some "rainy days" i really wish i can just lean in close to someone for a hug or for a heart t heart talk.
On some days i really hope i can kiss someone i really love , passionately .
And on happy days i really hope someone would be there sharing the joys with me .
some sickly days i hope someone would be there telling me to takecare or bring me to the doc. maybe even just hug me and comfort me
some days i hope someone would rung me up just for saying ' i love you & have a nice day"
some days i reaaally hope someone would give me flowers
and sometimes i really pin and hope for a couple fight. silly couples fight.
i miss . the times i m attached to someone.
i miss the times. people , guys love me for who i m
i miss the days he said i m his all.

But i have none for two plus yrs now.
i m lonely . i m fucking lonely and sad.
i have no suitors now.
i have people saying i m ugly now.
oh fuck! xxxxk . i really dread this life now.
i really hate myself. hate people .
hate crowds , hate people saying i m not pretty enough .
fxxkyou all man!
I REALLY HATE THIS PART OF MY LIFE.
whatever ..

Just a few day before tday , i was as happy as a singing lark.
everything seem to go on fine without jiawei.
I was still being able t catch a few glance , fish a few compliments for others.
Until ytd. my life was . in a big mess. Huge big fucking mess.
i donknow what happen. i felt like it change me.
ytd meeting w benedict.
i suddenly felt i lost my confident , its gradually seeping away.
i felt that i m suddenly avoiding crowds of people.
i felt that i m so ugly even w makeups.
i find i cant compete w anyone .
i see guys that used to like me falling w other girls
i see other girls i used to think disgusting w boyfriends.
Maybe . it was because of benedict comment about my makeup ytd.
Maybe it was because i lost.

Whats the real reason ? i donknow.
i cant stop comparing.
i really hope i m prettier. i wna catch people attention
i donwanna be plain jane. or people see my friend but not me !
HELLO. I M THEN THE ATTENTION SEEKER!
if you have it , flaunt it (;

Anw. i lose him to a pretty girl.
yes i think its pretty okay.
since yes even **i** think shes not bad (:
i sincerely hope that i will move on .
(:

fxxk lah, another day gone,
another day without him , another day i missed without seeing him ,
its just another day.

Tday its so stupid . i miss him suddenly .
wake up i miss him , schooling teacher talking i miss him , see tv miss him , hear song miss him
ma de. what happen to me ?
Just now even tell jo , i wanna touch his body?! wtf happen huh!
i m so damn bloody jealous of the pretties beside him , but what position am i to care.
mere stranger , get it str8 leh BoonJiale .
i m just Mere Stranger.
But i miss you , i really fucking miss you.
xoxoxoxo.
what can i do to make you love me ?
its been long . 1month since we contact.
why ? why havent you been contacting me .
i miss you boy , have i ever been in your head even for a split second?
i ask them , ask the god to help me . Help me win your heart.
but even them , even the mighty told me to give up you.
why? what have i done ? why cant i be w you ?
just give me another miracle pls.
i doncare whether jiawei is nice or not, i just wanna be w him for just even a split second.
baby. i miss you. i wan you , wanna taste you , wanna keep you forever!
---------------------------------
the end. you make me so fucking fustrated w my life.
like nothing is complete!

I really donknow what else , where else to vent my fustrations.
only blog , only writing it down.
only singing it out, only crying
talking to others. but fuck. what more choice do i have if , i cant write , cant sing, cant talk
only blog lor.
i m too tired to tk out my pretty dairy nd start scribbling on it ,
i cant talk cos i got no voice now. it includes singing too on this point .
i spend all of my today , on one person.
Zhang jiawei. no doubt right.?!
As i have said before. i gave up him.
oh yes. good ol` me say i have gave up to him to everybody , deny evrything of him and me ,
forget him , write notes everyday and say hes a bastard when i , myself know its aint true.
but tell me , "when will a shuai ge be a good guy. when will a shuai ge be tiong xim."
yes, hes shuai. believe me.
see me and your know . hes hot lik kachiam puteh!
that guy i never . caught.

Remembering . blogging down our memories. one by one was all i can do now.
why do things have come to this state ? why treat me so good & then suddenly , one day everything change?
what have i done to deserve this ?
i shouldnt have like you, yes i know. i know damn me shouldnt have like you.
i m nothing like you, brawn , yes a lil . brain i have none.
unlike you , you have brain and brawn and everything.
you are the damn fucking hot guy for girls.
you are a girl dream.
what am i leh.
no , i neither caught anyone attention for long. i deny people that love me so heartless-ly.
wtf. i m not someone good.
i scold for nothing. i smk (once) i fought. i like to see people fight over me ,
i m fucking heartless.
i m fucking jealous of other people beauty , fucking jealous of people that are ugly and have boyf .
i m this , i m that . i m un-grateful .
i m not a saint like you , not a scholar like you . not so bloody good looking like you. not so .
arghh whatever.
i just cant match up to you .
but boy ,
i miss you. this is really from the bottom of my heart,
up til now. youarestilltheoneithinkfromtimetotime.
i know i shouldnt.
but blame you , who ask you to ask me out in the middle of the xmas eve eve night.
who ask you to ignore me after that ,
who ask you to . treat me so good that night.
you think its gentleman , cos you bloody ask me out , so you bloody have to be nice.
Hey man. that is not th bloody fucking point !
do you know that it is very confusing. one min you are good to me. so good i cant handle it.
thn the other all i could see was you are leaving without any reason.
yukkkkkkkkkkkk* Honestly . i don see any point w you being good to me.

I miss those times.
not really those, we only went out tgt for two times only.
but really you make me so happy tgt w you.
like i have own you alrd. like you are mine alrd.
i miss you. miss your silly dance steps. miss your voice ,
miss you asking me whr you work huh.
miss you telling me everything.
miss you snatching my bag. gucci or lv , doesnt matters.
miss you dancing w me, grabbing my hand . looking dwn at me like i m the only one in your eyes.
miss you asking me out in the weee morning. miss having to recieve your msg when i m just a step closer to forgetting you,
miss you leaning close to me .
miss people asking me , where is jiawei? miss people asking me , how you know jiawei hes a model you know.
miss you , miss all the silly conversation. miss all the ah ma talks. miss everything.
but its gone now.
and when people meet, their relation took a step closer.
what about us. we meet alrd. our relation took a hundred step further.
who am i suppose to blame ? what should i suppose to guess.
cmon , i was all that goody chic that night. no doubt. my makeup was a lil off thanks to bloody rain.
but you told me you dont mind. didnt you? whn i say i wanted to make up , you say dont ,
i look okay just like this. didnt you.
i took care of your friends. i talk to them . i took care of that fat , bloody drunk sinhan , didnt i ?!
I ACT SO GOOD , KIND AND INNOCENT. all for the bloody fuck you.
and what hav i got in return, missing calls, no time to msg me, no commitment.
arghh. fuck you can .

Till now. i m still wondering why,
till now i m still wondering what if that night i really tell you how i feel about you.
what will happen to us now?
Sometimes. like i say in my blog.
i really wish i m another person.
one that will makes your heart beat faster everytime you see me.
doesnt matters i m beautiful or not.
just being able to catch your heart makes me double beautiful thn what m i now.
really wish that i m one that can make you say nice words.
like eg , " you are special " , " you are beautiful , cute , adorable" etc .
Really wish that i know your every move now and then.
really wish i m one damn hot movin chic that can sway you to the music.
really wish. i m one that can see you everyday.
really wish, i m your mother ! ( kiddin , your girlfriend)
but i m none of the abv, and i would never be any of the abv.
i wish i could just . fugging forget about you .

oh my god. i m like addicted to this private blog.
i m like. posting here everyday.
anw, i really wna rant rant rant !
why huh! why those canoe guys nothing to do gossip me & jw.
its over mans, cant they bloody get it.
even fishy . everything is in the past .

Anw. things have been changing faster thn i have expected
. my life, everythin, everyday pass by in such a haste.
18 years on planet mother earth now .
havent achieve anything great. havent done a exceptionally kind deed, havent been a really gr8 person.
and yes. imptly i don know what , i want to do next time.
my plans and my life.
fck this . everytime i think of all these,
i feel so . useless . so . stupid.
its my life. yet i donknow anything .
i m gna start thinking of after .
not now only. set my sights further.
(:
anw. yes.
things confirmed to be done NOW !& in the future.
- Fillial to my parents esp daddy ! ( omg . words cant express how much i love him)
- I wanna study hard .get into uni & have a stable job . ( Like that thn can support daddy mummy(: )
- i wna Someone to love me ! MORE MORE MORE .
aiya, lazy la!
lastly . i wna my sisters to be w me , forever(:

Secret time*
went towning tday . sibey sian. town is getting mre&more sian.
fuggin shag . however. laughter still fills as i m out w winx sis!
cfm laugh.
anw. i talk and talk & more talks w her.
& i find out. canoist is like gossiping bout me and him.
. "something fishy going on" come on. whats so fishy about gng out drink w a guy-friend in the middle of the night when i . Ben xiao jie got nothing t do.
noted : Ben= stupid here ;D
yes fishy indeed. please , now thn i know. guys like to gossips too!
what th fucking world has become to ! --"

Anw. i think . & i guess. & i really think . he like someone alrd.
i been to his blog.
his song change. and somehow i can sense it .
its like . i know. deep inside. i know nothing can change anymore.
even if he dont like anyone or he like anyone.
its none of my businesss.
i decide to give up then. and now. its 2009.
i have no ways . no more other choices. i gave him up. without trying .
and i know i cant turn back.
but everything seems. so much like a dream. of him &me.
a perfect guy & a girl next door.
i hate girls next door okays.
blooody ugly the meaning !
ANW. I MISS HIM NOW.
I WNA GO UP TO HIM & TALK TO HIM .
I WNA SEE HIS EYE.
I FEEEL LIKE MESSAGING HIM.
I FEEL LIKE HEARING HIS LJ VOICE.
I FEEL LIKE LEETING HIM INSULT MY FACE. ( thats stupid)
I FEEL LIK SITTING NEXT TO HIM.
I FEEL LIKE KISSING HIM. OOOOOOH . yes thats what i wna do.
i wna . most feel like just see his name on my phone.
i wna .love you. just you
cant you blooody see it?
i m gng t sing so what soon.
i have too much air inside me . Angry airrrrr=="
fuck off jiawei. frm my life , my mind. my everything
bloooody. i wish i hadnt go in at the start.

hear this . & get this clear :

i bloody . regret gg vivo tt fateful day , i bloody regret knowing you&looking in those eye.

i bloody regret putting down barrier &become . immerse in you.

i blooody regret everything .

except . the touch of yours still lingers on my hand.

i . still . hope . for . a . miracle .

donknow i m scolding or . immersing again.

shit i hate myself so much.