Its been two years plus , or more then that .

Single for that long. what happened?

Nobody believe even when i tell them ?

Does the problem lies w me , or them ?

Seriously. it has been going in my head for , millions trillions time , somehow, its a .. curse or smth ? is it ?

'The guys i like woould never be interested in me, they would rather be interested in one ugly girl then me .

I knw and yes , jo told me , love isnt about looks , and it will looks will nv be a piority in true love .

yes i know. but why always?

then , grw so pretty for?

okay , whatever. assumption okay! i buay song can .i don like can ,

why ? last time when i was ugly duckling , everybody says , i m ugly , i would make do w somethings. bla

I dont hope for any guys to like me , i know i m inferior.

But nw?

When people look. they will say , aiseh pretty girl seh, thy wont notice my flaws anymore,

but why when i think about it . i still think i m inferior.

whr am i inferior?

i FEEL like crying at this lonely night,

why is there no shoulder fr me?

Heyo . i say hey and you say yo.
sometimes in life , i just do not know what i want .
its like my life is in a mess. like you , like studies , like job.
If they say that . life is just like a thousand of test put tgt , thn i knew i must be a bad student that hv F in all of life modules.
Love , family, friends , and evrything.
what hv i done after all of my living these years?
what can i do , expect in my life , after i grw up .
theres this song , Que sera.
no doubt . its lyrics is meaningful to me . my favourite life quote is from there. and it will never change.
People always tell me . see things , see life from other angle. and i might find smthg frm there.
still. i cant find it .
why ? am i born to be a useless bum in this world?

You , yes you , tyfin zhikai.
I donknow why . i got this deadly attraction to you.
jo thinks you are like Hua ze rui. was it why? i was attracted.
cause of your mysterious. what is this? i like guys tt are mysterious?
i m so sick and tired of all these.
people do not believe i Do not hv a boyf ,
out of 10 , probably only 1 believe .
i just dont know why. attractive am i ?
pretty am i?
sometime i just do not hv the confidence anymore
. not any of the , yea i m not inferior t you confident anymore.
thats tiring . to be honest . to keep telling myself that i m pretty.
sometimes its more tiring to keep up to you .
i feel that . i m giving up. this time for real.

Just like that fool .

Whats wrong,
yes, mayb to you all nothing is wrong,
try it then , ask for help and then nobody cares about you.
your request. wtf is wrong w her. its just bloody $3 - $4 plus
its not like i cant afford it . Just that i do not hv money now, i just Borrowed and motherfcuker.
my mother act like its 3000 over. dollars.
pleaseeeeeeeeee man. its Not
maybe its the environment made her this way , life circrumstances . but fuck.
we still can bloody afford $4-5 easily .
whats wrong?!! FUCK .. i m not angry bcos of money
its bcos , you are alone , you are helpless, and you call your dad , his line is cut. he dont bothers to call back.
You call your mum , she ask you wait for maid to tk money come. FOR WHAT?!
knnnnn. maid not human , maid no need walk. maid fly?
_____________________________________
whatever

Songs listening : Xiao Jiu Wo - JJ lin.

: Let it go . - rosa blabla . billboard singers.

I really hope frap can be right here nw. its th only thing tht can cheer me up in dark nights like this.

i hv been a shit these few days, yea. overly worried for my pimples - which ps : shows no improvement , Fuck seriously. i m past caring it now

okay almost okay.

i miss my clear face. ( Thou ppl prefer now make up skills, Bla )

PS: those people are superficial lah =x

Anw , my blog , used to be , there are like lots of , new people , pass by passerby bla,

don know who are they, but thats fine.

Anw. since sat , he nv onlines , nv talk to me , nv see him @ school

Never was always th result i got when i wanted so much was just ; talk or see him.

Fuck , was that even hard ? i m not like requesting him to be my boyf right!?

oh okay, mayb we are just not meant to be.

but it was just a talk.

& yea, what did i do wrong again,

sucks. you sucks for not talking t me , you sucks becos you only talk to me when you are bored

i sucks because i m a fool for talking to you when you are bored.

i sucks because i cant have you .

Fuck. blogging makes me better.

nd xiao jiu wo makes me think of you ! even thoou i dun fucking know why you send me tt song for,

, well. fuck it all off

see as time goes then,

I abs love this quote.

i walk this lonely road , donknow where it goes - boulevard of broken dream.

talked to him tday. he talk to me ytd.

confusing, yes i know.

he did reply me tday .

talk for a ... veryvry short while.

tyfin said:
ya i just wake up not long ago
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
haha, oooo. i seee(:
tyfin said:
u also
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
i also what ?
tyfin said:
stay at home
Jiale Says : Dont stop. said:
uh . yups.
tyfin said:
hmm ok
i go buy food
brb

( BUY FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT ,

OBVIOUS HE LIE. FUCK)

this was all th conv. see the . whole thing , how it starts and end.

you can see he wasnt keen to talk t me at all .

somehow. i hv become another fool again

shda hv listen to bk.

i shouldnt hv think he auto talk to me cos he hv a teeny fucking weeny bit of interest in me.

why ? why my friends are always right, while i m always wrong.

Ytd conv was bcos he was bored.

so it was like.

tada it was obvious. i was just someone he look for when he is BORED.

fucking get this into your mind,

arghh, fuckers. i hate canoe guys i swear. damn.

and PS i felt so fucking happy when winnie say JW girlfriend which she say she saw IS LIKE NT PRETTY AT ALL!

fuck off girl.

so jw, you aint having a good life like i thought you had ar.

Darmnnnnn ):

Cant speak anymore.
well. been days, i hvnt had any chance of talking to him .
saw him in school tday ,
first in th lift lobby of block34. and then @ block 50.
he was in the car.
(i suspect he saw me alrd.)
man i feel like blogging out all my fucking feelings now.
i felt so fcuked up right now.
Nobody is here for me.. & what make it worst , yongquan told me his feelings.
i dontwant t know , in enough of shit alrd.
acted like i donknow. well in full. i m not interested in him anymore, & i dont want him to waste time on me , and i dont wanna bluff myself believing i would re-accept him again.
Back to tyfin topics. i donknow , bt i think he saw me ,cause he peek his head out of window and look . however. fucking girls walk alrd. so car went by.
and in a spur moment , i then realise , he was in the car.
so much for like hundreds of seconds standing there looking blurly @ the car to look out for handsomes.
In the end , found no handsome but him staring blankly out , (Might be looking fr me ? )
Okay whatever . its no main point,
main point is , i acted all so stupid, i Shouted like. EH JIALING tyfin leh!
EWT girls and guys in front are looking as me though i saw show lo .
Thy are glancing up and down & laughing at me as a joke i suppose.
... jialing, being a good frien just say , its only tyfin, why you shout lik you see your boyfriend.
... i m speechless.

Kinda after that stoned in briefting talk,
wondering much about me and him ,
wondering does his nick hv any meaning to any other girls.
i m tired .
shall g, bye .
its a lonely lonely day . and i dont suppose thrs any shoulders fr me to lean on .
whatever,

Fuchhhhhyou.

cute word? i just learn from my bro. when i say fuckk you.

he will say. fuch you. Cause he scared i would tell mummy he speak vuglarities.

ahh, so thts how fuch you come. and nw, i would use Fuch you , in'std(:

Okay main main point is , he dont talk to me anymore.

like , as in auto.

and god. i m really tired of auto alr la.

so like fine. i wil just gonna live it on without him.

lost a chance ytd of taking his number. dont mind losing it again,

& according to his pm . i m like quite sure, he got someone he like alr.

i m not going in naively and be this stupid girl again.

well . wish him luck,

damn. can i not like anyone anymore!!?

FUCK. FUCK FUCK.

better dont talk to him,

this time no more. i swear. unless he talk first.