Mood : Anticipation

Music : What can i do to make you love me (;

Shiny and bright picture upstairs to match my mood tday(:
Well. not very match lahs =x
but , well i anticipate in this pict . & i anticipate now , i really hope this cute guy will talk t me automatically . dear god i pray(:

Anw . i havent heard from zjw since .
i really missed those times .
as in , i `ve moved on ( well maybe not totally )
But i have move on a lil by lil (:
but those times. those times i irritated him by acting blur. those times he tell me he was sorry cause he got pms , those times we dance together. those times we talked and sms , those time when we really hv those "fishy lil things going on "
well. moving on is a hard thing to do ,
but i m glad i did it (:

Anw. cliques is not getting better.
i really missed secondary school times alot.
when i can see my sisters and beloved jojo everyday .
when we can joke everyday , when i make fun of teacher thy would say "nono"& shake their head at me
when i can tell them anything . when me and jojo wil walk home frm hss to her house tgt
When i can go jojo house movie marathon everyday !
tsk! i really wish time would turn back
, i would make everything different .
i swear my life would be better.

Sometimes i really wish it would work out

its enough being single for 2 yr.

please god . i dunnwanna be single pls :(

Mood: Happy&Painfully lonely ,
Venue: inside my own room .
Music listened to : 伯乐

OOOOOOO~
ITS BEEN LONG.
hahahaha, amazingly i m still alive ,kicking and shouting .
nah, not amazing at all.
bt its amazing how FINE i am without him .
well , i saw her . ( caroline ) with him in np , atrium . they walked pass me .
the way he look at her, i cant bear to see. but i still stole a glance.
she way happily talking . he was listening . However i saw no smile on his face .
uh hhhhh, i was just describing how he looked , i didnt say he was unhappy. nor am i saying he was happy w me .
maybe thats just his face.
Anw. after i saw them , my tears uncontrotably roll down, well a few only cos i was wearing make ups.
As usual , my day is ruined ..
i took a long time to come this far.
and now , maybe he is just the past.
i wish him all the best. (:
i

my wish for you (:

i only want the best for you.

& yes. i m not steppin in to NUM anytime soon .

(:

I m really tired of humans life & Behaviour.
Sickening was all i can spell out.
One moment they can be all over you , dying to know you . Another fucking moment they would turn their back against yours.
Backstabbing. hyprocrites & Liars ,
i really dont understand why do they even exist.

Seriously , how many of us have real close friends that we might really label as close.
seldom have i labelled really close friend.
seldom i have those real feelings twds a friend .
yes , might be i m a hyprocrite too. i don deny.
i know someone not cause i truly wna know her . Maybe for some good uses.
ITS REALLY DISTURBING .
i really donknow why i would feel this way , why i would act this way.
totally disgusted.

Humans heart are very sneaky ,
sometimes one might be friendly and good to you , giving you all the chances in the world but another time when you see them , thy would change 180 degrees. denying of all the chance you have, yes , why i would say this is bcos of ZhangJiawei nick .
Parasites? is he saying me . i m really curious.
However ignorance is bliss right.
Cause if i find out he is saying me , i would be sad for sure. so why not just i dont cross his path he dont cross mine.
However easy i m saying it here. Its hard to forget about him.
Though we have nothing bt things happen. and this sort of things is not like you wna forget , one day you would.
i really hate it . hate him . but what can i do,
is all my one sided feelings.
who can i blame

Friends have been really a drag to me .
i start to dread the thought of going to skl.
mainly cause i m nothing to my clique. maybe i shouldnt feel this way .
but i really dont think they are treating me as though i m their clique.
we are not acting like how a clique should be.
i feel like getting out. i know they will be more thn happy.
i really hate the feeling of you treating others as friend or good friends but they dont feel the same.
wtf. It is really hurting.
i m crying. i m bleeding . but who can i talk to .
who can i REALLY depends on.

I m single for almost 2 yrs.
ys though i m never really alone .
i have suitors all the way . is only me that donwanna get attached. don wna commit to anyone
is my fault . however. could i commit to someone i don like.
if is you , would you do it , just for the sake of being attached ?
but on some "rainy days" i really wish i can just lean in close to someone for a hug or for a heart t heart talk.
On some days i really hope i can kiss someone i really love , passionately .
And on happy days i really hope someone would be there sharing the joys with me .
some sickly days i hope someone would be there telling me to takecare or bring me to the doc. maybe even just hug me and comfort me
some days i hope someone would rung me up just for saying ' i love you & have a nice day"
some days i reaaally hope someone would give me flowers
and sometimes i really pin and hope for a couple fight. silly couples fight.
i miss . the times i m attached to someone.
i miss the times. people , guys love me for who i m
i miss the days he said i m his all.

But i have none for two plus yrs now.
i m lonely . i m fucking lonely and sad.
i have no suitors now.
i have people saying i m ugly now.
oh fuck! xxxxk . i really dread this life now.
i really hate myself. hate people .
hate crowds , hate people saying i m not pretty enough .
fxxkyou all man!
I REALLY HATE THIS PART OF MY LIFE.
whatever ..

Just a few day before tday , i was as happy as a singing lark.
everything seem to go on fine without jiawei.
I was still being able t catch a few glance , fish a few compliments for others.
Until ytd. my life was . in a big mess. Huge big fucking mess.
i donknow what happen. i felt like it change me.
ytd meeting w benedict.
i suddenly felt i lost my confident , its gradually seeping away.
i felt that i m suddenly avoiding crowds of people.
i felt that i m so ugly even w makeups.
i find i cant compete w anyone .
i see guys that used to like me falling w other girls
i see other girls i used to think disgusting w boyfriends.
Maybe . it was because of benedict comment about my makeup ytd.
Maybe it was because i lost.

Whats the real reason ? i donknow.
i cant stop comparing.
i really hope i m prettier. i wna catch people attention
i donwanna be plain jane. or people see my friend but not me !
HELLO. I M THEN THE ATTENTION SEEKER!
if you have it , flaunt it (;

Anw. i lose him to a pretty girl.
yes i think its pretty okay.
since yes even **i** think shes not bad (:
i sincerely hope that i will move on .
(: