fxxk lah, another day gone,
another day without him , another day i missed without seeing him ,
its just another day.

Tday its so stupid . i miss him suddenly .
wake up i miss him , schooling teacher talking i miss him , see tv miss him , hear song miss him
ma de. what happen to me ?
Just now even tell jo , i wanna touch his body?! wtf happen huh!
i m so damn bloody jealous of the pretties beside him , but what position am i to care.
mere stranger , get it str8 leh BoonJiale .
i m just Mere Stranger.
But i miss you , i really fucking miss you.
xoxoxoxo.
what can i do to make you love me ?
its been long . 1month since we contact.
why ? why havent you been contacting me .
i miss you boy , have i ever been in your head even for a split second?
i ask them , ask the god to help me . Help me win your heart.
but even them , even the mighty told me to give up you.
why? what have i done ? why cant i be w you ?
just give me another miracle pls.
i doncare whether jiawei is nice or not, i just wanna be w him for just even a split second.
baby. i miss you. i wan you , wanna taste you , wanna keep you forever!
---------------------------------
the end. you make me so fucking fustrated w my life.
like nothing is complete!

I really donknow what else , where else to vent my fustrations.
only blog , only writing it down.
only singing it out, only crying
talking to others. but fuck. what more choice do i have if , i cant write , cant sing, cant talk
only blog lor.
i m too tired to tk out my pretty dairy nd start scribbling on it ,
i cant talk cos i got no voice now. it includes singing too on this point .
i spend all of my today , on one person.
Zhang jiawei. no doubt right.?!
As i have said before. i gave up him.
oh yes. good ol` me say i have gave up to him to everybody , deny evrything of him and me ,
forget him , write notes everyday and say hes a bastard when i , myself know its aint true.
but tell me , "when will a shuai ge be a good guy. when will a shuai ge be tiong xim."
yes, hes shuai. believe me.
see me and your know . hes hot lik kachiam puteh!
that guy i never . caught.

Remembering . blogging down our memories. one by one was all i can do now.
why do things have come to this state ? why treat me so good & then suddenly , one day everything change?
what have i done to deserve this ?
i shouldnt have like you, yes i know. i know damn me shouldnt have like you.
i m nothing like you, brawn , yes a lil . brain i have none.
unlike you , you have brain and brawn and everything.
you are the damn fucking hot guy for girls.
you are a girl dream.
what am i leh.
no , i neither caught anyone attention for long. i deny people that love me so heartless-ly.
wtf. i m not someone good.
i scold for nothing. i smk (once) i fought. i like to see people fight over me ,
i m fucking heartless.
i m fucking jealous of other people beauty , fucking jealous of people that are ugly and have boyf .
i m this , i m that . i m un-grateful .
i m not a saint like you , not a scholar like you . not so bloody good looking like you. not so .
arghh whatever.
i just cant match up to you .
but boy ,
i miss you. this is really from the bottom of my heart,
up til now. youarestilltheoneithinkfromtimetotime.
i know i shouldnt.
but blame you , who ask you to ask me out in the middle of the xmas eve eve night.
who ask you to ignore me after that ,
who ask you to . treat me so good that night.
you think its gentleman , cos you bloody ask me out , so you bloody have to be nice.
Hey man. that is not th bloody fucking point !
do you know that it is very confusing. one min you are good to me. so good i cant handle it.
thn the other all i could see was you are leaving without any reason.
yukkkkkkkkkkkk* Honestly . i don see any point w you being good to me.

I miss those times.
not really those, we only went out tgt for two times only.
but really you make me so happy tgt w you.
like i have own you alrd. like you are mine alrd.
i miss you. miss your silly dance steps. miss your voice ,
miss you asking me whr you work huh.
miss you telling me everything.
miss you snatching my bag. gucci or lv , doesnt matters.
miss you dancing w me, grabbing my hand . looking dwn at me like i m the only one in your eyes.
miss you asking me out in the weee morning. miss having to recieve your msg when i m just a step closer to forgetting you,
miss you leaning close to me .
miss people asking me , where is jiawei? miss people asking me , how you know jiawei hes a model you know.
miss you , miss all the silly conversation. miss all the ah ma talks. miss everything.
but its gone now.
and when people meet, their relation took a step closer.
what about us. we meet alrd. our relation took a hundred step further.
who am i suppose to blame ? what should i suppose to guess.
cmon , i was all that goody chic that night. no doubt. my makeup was a lil off thanks to bloody rain.
but you told me you dont mind. didnt you? whn i say i wanted to make up , you say dont ,
i look okay just like this. didnt you.
i took care of your friends. i talk to them . i took care of that fat , bloody drunk sinhan , didnt i ?!
I ACT SO GOOD , KIND AND INNOCENT. all for the bloody fuck you.
and what hav i got in return, missing calls, no time to msg me, no commitment.
arghh. fuck you can .

Till now. i m still wondering why,
till now i m still wondering what if that night i really tell you how i feel about you.
what will happen to us now?
Sometimes. like i say in my blog.
i really wish i m another person.
one that will makes your heart beat faster everytime you see me.
doesnt matters i m beautiful or not.
just being able to catch your heart makes me double beautiful thn what m i now.
really wish that i m one that can make you say nice words.
like eg , " you are special " , " you are beautiful , cute , adorable" etc .
Really wish that i know your every move now and then.
really wish i m one damn hot movin chic that can sway you to the music.
really wish. i m one that can see you everyday.
really wish, i m your mother ! ( kiddin , your girlfriend)
but i m none of the abv, and i would never be any of the abv.
i wish i could just . fugging forget about you .

oh my god. i m like addicted to this private blog.
i m like. posting here everyday.
anw, i really wna rant rant rant !
why huh! why those canoe guys nothing to do gossip me & jw.
its over mans, cant they bloody get it.
even fishy . everything is in the past .

Anw. things have been changing faster thn i have expected
. my life, everythin, everyday pass by in such a haste.
18 years on planet mother earth now .
havent achieve anything great. havent done a exceptionally kind deed, havent been a really gr8 person.
and yes. imptly i don know what , i want to do next time.
my plans and my life.
fck this . everytime i think of all these,
i feel so . useless . so . stupid.
its my life. yet i donknow anything .
i m gna start thinking of after .
not now only. set my sights further.
(:
anw. yes.
things confirmed to be done NOW !& in the future.
- Fillial to my parents esp daddy ! ( omg . words cant express how much i love him)
- I wanna study hard .get into uni & have a stable job . ( Like that thn can support daddy mummy(: )
- i wna Someone to love me ! MORE MORE MORE .
aiya, lazy la!
lastly . i wna my sisters to be w me , forever(:

Secret time*
went towning tday . sibey sian. town is getting mre&more sian.
fuggin shag . however. laughter still fills as i m out w winx sis!
cfm laugh.
anw. i talk and talk & more talks w her.
& i find out. canoist is like gossiping bout me and him.
. "something fishy going on" come on. whats so fishy about gng out drink w a guy-friend in the middle of the night when i . Ben xiao jie got nothing t do.
noted : Ben= stupid here ;D
yes fishy indeed. please , now thn i know. guys like to gossips too!
what th fucking world has become to ! --"

Anw. i think . & i guess. & i really think . he like someone alrd.
i been to his blog.
his song change. and somehow i can sense it .
its like . i know. deep inside. i know nothing can change anymore.
even if he dont like anyone or he like anyone.
its none of my businesss.
i decide to give up then. and now. its 2009.
i have no ways . no more other choices. i gave him up. without trying .
and i know i cant turn back.
but everything seems. so much like a dream. of him &me.
a perfect guy & a girl next door.
i hate girls next door okays.
blooody ugly the meaning !
ANW. I MISS HIM NOW.
I WNA GO UP TO HIM & TALK TO HIM .
I WNA SEE HIS EYE.
I FEEEL LIKE MESSAGING HIM.
I FEEL LIKE HEARING HIS LJ VOICE.
I FEEL LIKE LEETING HIM INSULT MY FACE. ( thats stupid)
I FEEL LIK SITTING NEXT TO HIM.
I FEEL LIKE KISSING HIM. OOOOOOH . yes thats what i wna do.
i wna . most feel like just see his name on my phone.
i wna .love you. just you
cant you blooody see it?
i m gng t sing so what soon.
i have too much air inside me . Angry airrrrr=="
fuck off jiawei. frm my life , my mind. my everything
bloooody. i wish i hadnt go in at the start.

hear this . & get this clear :

i bloody . regret gg vivo tt fateful day , i bloody regret knowing you&looking in those eye.

i bloody regret putting down barrier &become . immerse in you.

i blooody regret everything .

except . the touch of yours still lingers on my hand.

i . still . hope . for . a . miracle .

donknow i m scolding or . immersing again.

shit i hate myself so much.