I dreamt of Him Tuesday night,
He is back by my side , i can hug him tight , i can slap his big big cute stomach ,
i can play funny jokes on him , i can sit by his side and talk everything under the sun w him
Its a nice dream , i swear if i got a choice i wouldnt want to get up .
i would love t see his face even till forever.
in tt dream i could.
i miss him , miss all the past , beautiful , ridiculous thing we did tgt ,
yes it all re-appear in tht dream again . i miss you .
do you remember all the silly things we do .
bets we made about chou gong jiang gui .
tattoo ,and such
you chg alot after we break , i always wonder am i th reason for your change?
did you suffer ? did you ever miss me .
i miss you alot . i cried and cried everyday rmb-ering all the promises you gave me.
the yelllow , nov 13 bear you gave me on our first meeting
everything just triggers the past of you and me .
i miss you . i do , i miss everything ,

21st december , you are gone , you told me i m your burden
you want to let me go and find my own happiness ,
i donknow what i have done. i donknow what you know
noel ? mark? or who? i donknow what i have done wrong.
people told me you wont turn back anymore when we fought for the first time
i did nt believe even i have recieve that Zhu pipi msg
i trusted you with all my heart. & you betrayed my trust .
it was a girl , it was not me, you bluff-ed me that you wanted t slp, & accidentally that msg was sent t me.
was it fate that wanted me t know?
even though i refuse to let go .
i donknow how t live without you , i have become so dependent on you in tt one month one week relationship .
you brought me to places , you took care of my injuries , blow my hair , sleep w me , cook for me
i really do not know . whr has gone wrong ,
the few days after we had break is torturous for me.
i do not know what t do except t sit down and cry for you . for our past.
i suddenly lost my mind , i suddenly lost all my skills & brains and everything
i forget what i did t memerise guys . i forget hw did you ever like me ,
i forget everthing. i even forget how t fucking tk a bowl of rice.
i could only open up your friendster and talk t the computer like i m talking t you.
People started to ask me Whr is mickey ,
I DONKNOW WHAT TO REPLY. what should i reply?
i donknow or should i say i donwant to reply , because it brings back everything i tried so hard to forget ,
because i suddenly can see , i really have no control over what time or whr you gone to .
i don want this , i want t be in control of your life like last time.
bt i know somewhr is not possible anymore.
suddenly i find it even harder to remember your face , i find it hard to believe all your words , all that you told me .
up till now , everything is fading one by one ,
those shilloutes that will sit w me lik you are here hugging me tight is lost .
those smells that you once left behind in my house is gone now,
Now even those memories have gone blury .
one day i believe i will wake up from this nice Nightmare,
i will forget you someday and accept a new relationship
someone will took over you like you took over glenn`s

Now everytime i open up another girl blog , i would see your face
no , not beside mine of cos . i would seeee your face w her in a picture .
i feeel sour inside ,
i m jealous of her
everything she`s got to replace me .
why did you chooose her and nt me
i chg , i chg alot , i m better thn her.
why did you not chooose me

Oh yes, what a nice one.
i m blogging here again .
He is with Her alr. oh finally.
He finally got his happineess. Yanting , the girl he jio-ed lik 6 months plus.
thy finally got tgt.
i know she means alot to him . & i know he will be happy from now-on.
But , i just cant put my heart at ease about her.
I know she will hurt him , she is just a small girl , can she really give him his happineess
i m so worried that she might hurt him anytime. i m so worried one day andy might tell me that ,
"hey jl , mickey just cried over her"
i donknow what i will do ? i really don understand why do i care abt him so much still .
its like i haven got over him. or do i ?

On another hand , i had just have a nice conversation w winson.
not long , bt its really nice & sweet.
no , not that sweet. its that kind of hidden sweet feeling.
he actually do notice when did i not come t class, late. & sorts of things.
its actually quite sweet to me that he notices these small details.
& though he is lik super skinny & not tt good-looking.
bt , i really hope nature would eventually let me be w this guy (:
yes , i really do want t understand him more
be it w him or , gd friends. (;

Heylo. oh its time t blog in private blog again?
lol. yes it is.
have yoo miss me ?

Anw. i have decide though its mickey blog
bt i will post abt private things in my life.
all the guys. yes all.
& yes of cos mickey & his girl.
yes . everything tt i donwan ppl knw i shall blog it here


- winson . yes a guy in my class , he fucking compare me w a ginna face girl & he fucking say she win me lorh. thanks ar winson.
i cnt win a ginna lorh. --"
hahaha, bt well nvm, cos he say xuehong didnt make up & i have , so he thinks she is much more natural pretty. & fine lorh,i admit i donlik i never make up also . --"
i don have natural prettiness lah!
tday i heard mao say tt winson talked abt me all th times
& tt set my mind thinking , why does he talk abt me?
bad or good things? do he miss my presence sometimes?
Do he?
& WHY did i think so much abt him?
th first thing i did when i m online is seee he online anot?
don tell me jialing is right? i have fall in love w him?
have i ?
bt he isnt my type , no tattoo , no smoke , he don even like beng.
& have i fall w such a guy .
he isnt even what i call , one looook - handsome.
bt he gave me a somewhat kind hearted. & i know he is (:
he gave me a nice impression, & is this what i m lookin for?
bt i cant lik him can i ?
bt why does i keep on thinking about what this guy said abt me?
is tt impt t me? hais.
i will end here. i have no moood t continue anymore
sorry .

NowNow , its my secret blog , since yes , my blog have viewers.
& i swear not t mention him anymore. which is a LIE !
cos i will mention him here! & tsk no one know!
even when i have a hubby , yea ! he do not know.
Unless , one day Mickey go blogspot.com & type his full name.
which is impossible? so this will be hidden forever.
only for my own visual comfort (:
all ofth th past i can state till i happy.
all of the bad thing i wanna say abt him or her i can say till i happy.
No one will tag , no one will ask & Imptly. No one even knows thats thr is this stupid blog!
trust me. its completely safe.
maybe jo ? if she is intrested t read? lolxD

& . FOR ME , he is someone i always wish t be with Forever.
& he is really a nice guy . first look & i know he is th one i wanted .
we USED t talk on phone every night. talking abt our ex, wht we did for them &in return .
we got back shit *
we USED to call each other names. & we USED t make silly bets w each oth.
We used t do so much tgt.
in the end i rmb-ed it more thn you.
am i erased frm your memory?
am i replaced?
Why is everything happening so fast. i cant catch any glimpse. i cant catch no meaning,
i only know you are th most beautiful man that god snatch from me .
that god arrange that we are nt meant to.

13Nov. does it ring any bell t you now?
. i swear in my lifetime. 13 nov, Hatred is forever in my heart , just like a tattoo !
& I Swear you will always be part of me.
i swear good & bad. yes you are forever in my heart.
i swear.

i miss you & those times Together.

i miss your touch,

your lips,

your eyes,

your facial complexion,

your highlighted hair,

your black hair.

yes everything.

The way you say its just a frog ,

the way you can come t my house just t pei me even if it rains,

the way you hold me close w you in front of your friends.

the way you just held my hands wout further notice

the way you hug me to sleep.

the way you munch on nice foood ,

the way your eye search for me,

the way you never get angry no matter how much i make you ,

the way your 8 calls melted my solid heart,

& THE WAY YOU REPLACED HIM (:

i love you chenjiahao. yes i wish so much i m shouting out this word ilu !
& yes i wish so much , i m MRS MICKEY , i am MRS CHEN ,
i wish so much you are my boyf . no matter wht thy say!
hais ~