Woah. hahaahah .

actually. i have nothing to do w him alr!

points upstairs *
Bcos its gng t be the end of 2008 soon. so i might as well post up my last word of him.

Which is Goodbye.

people knows. Friends know , family knows me .

if i made the first move. and he stil shows nothing.

i will go away.

I thought leaving jw world was hard.

i thought i will cry everyday. hah. bt how wrong was i .

i havent try & i thought i cant

bt after i did. one day not to think of him keep myself busy etc .

i got on . i moved on.

never till now . i cry , i msg him.

maybe yes. the last conver we had broke my heart into pieces.

so yes. can i say thanks?

well. ego aside. i finally got over you.

bt . in my head. i keep wondering , why ? why you didnt fall over me?

cause i m not pretty enuf was the only answer i get.

so thats my only . regret.

arghhhhh.

well enuf of him

i think and seriously think 2009 will be bad for me.

MY HP DROP INSIDE WATER AT 5.30 PM31 dec

fuck up !! --"

ZHANG JIAWEI .



What the fuck!?
Leading me on blindly . Fuck off mans!
i don need guys like you to control my damn life.
its my damn pathetic life. yes . not much interesting life.
fuck. yes so what if you are gorgeous. hot . fit. 6 big packed small packed.
i don bllooody care now. fine i fall in love w you at first cause : damn you are bloody hot!
bt now. really , i m falling in love w your personality , with th secure you give me . w all the bloody freaking . i donknow what.
i cant deny looks does matters alot. sumore. you are hot noted pls !
so yes i fall in love w you !
But what th hell. i m just a fling. plaything probably . hahah . no i think bloody more suited to be dog .
call as when you like it . thn chase away as when you like it also.
i don deserve that fucking treatment from anyone. least from you.
thats what i get , fr loving someone perfect yes ?
hahaa. big improvement my backside .
that night. what all the bloody pretendence about.
yes you jio-ed me out. out in the bloody fucking xmas eve eve night. you rmbed. yes me too!
that night. you treated me so well. it makes me bloooody think . freaking think out of nowhere think . zhangjiawei is MINE .
BOOON`S jiawei. but no. why? why do this to me?
out of responsiblity bcos is you jioed me out and so you have to pei me . eat my damn nasi lemak when i donwant to. talk t me about your life. hear my damn life. watch me gng around consoling your damn drunk friend. walk w me in the rain. tell me blooody things i want to know . carry my bag. everything. you are so afraid of letting me do anything.
Why? bloody. everything that seems so damn true . yet they arent .
after eaach of us return home. blooody everything change to how it used to be .
ps : maybe i really shdnt use my-usedtobe for my blog --" { Just for laughs though , }
Anw, what can i do? blooody you refuse to reply my blooody msg.
my urgency to talk to you. bloody you shut me out from what it seems a perfect love.
bloody bloody you. Liar . whats all that talk about , yes i would consider that girl
consider backside lah! --" but well. can i blame you?
yes ? no ?
you never lead me on do you? just that everytime i m forgetting you. getting fucking you out of my mind ,
you pop over , Yes noted pop over. sometimes just to say yo , sometimes ask me out.
well. gorgeous guy ask me out . of cos i oblige like why not right ?
damn it . why did i ?! and pooof* i cant bloody forget you again can i ?
shit ! & that all sums up why now now now POOR POOR ME cant forget you can i ?
bt . i shdnt blame you .
you didnt lead me on . like givin me msg or what.
you are a no-shitter person like me . well. almost like me .
we are just too similar.
we like , we go for it all& for once.
we don like . we bloody ask them fuck off.
yer. true Bloody . i get the hint now zjw.
i fuck off okay. never to enter your bloody world again.
bt yes. please bloody fuck off from mine too.

Similar but . yet. it ended this way.
what is real and what is not.
i m feeling giddy alr.
ps for long vuglar post. i just had to get it out of me .
no colour , no fancy font. nobody reads it deh.
only me . so yes. i m posting and slping !
finally i know . i tried i lose . i angry in the end, i can slp!
i m feeling so tired now . bye jiale (:
Bow over jiawei ! bye gorgeous. you are out now !(:

Sunday 1 am . plusplus?
He is back ! Zhanggggjiawei is finally back frm his msia trip!!
Well none of my business . but .. i did strike dates . i did count how long he will be gone.
I did not even want to online when he is not in country.
People used to ask me . " jiale , you really like jiawei? for his looks or his talent?"
i used to brush off the idea. and say haha, maybe just a crush.
But now. i crave for him ! i cant live without his scarsm.
i miss him. my head hurts as i think back to NP45 .
all those assholes actions . i donknow. i wanna ask you. i wanna ask you what?
ask you to be my boy? would you?
i find you hate me more &more now.
you dont even want to spend a min talking to me.
you dont used to be like this!
why this change?
m i not good enough for you.
i thought after what kenneth tell you. & you think well alrdy thn you contact me
i thought since you contact me. you must have want me like i want you. BUT NO!
--" you played me like doggy !!
like .. i donknow what.
one moment you are all full of anxiety , full of nonsense to entertain me . even i m angry you would let me scold you, Ask me out to movie , to find you !
&the next moment . i saw some freaking girl beside you. the next moment i turn back. everything i do was shit in your eye.
--"
tell me what you want wont you?
i don believe you like her.
you wan jacket , i got plenty. simi pun wu. you want WHAT !! TELL ME!!
--" you don tell , i donknow !
i miss you zjw.

ASSHOLE. yes . tday day is pretty much of an asshole day
. rainy days = cold temperature&wet floors & yes..... lazybum .
and thats how next stupid accident spoilt my day!
Falling down cause the damn stupid slippery floor! & yes worst of all.
thrs a handsome teenager ( bt w girlfriend. so yeah fine )
AND Yes , joanne call me & say Whr are you. LARRY finding you!
goshness. i m late for one &half hoour . fuck. so i hurry out &
yes . i found larry sitting thr waiting for me.. shittttttttttttttttttt. well i thought he was gonna scream or ,, least blame me !
BT , Damnny good larry, jokingly said : kiss all the man on this floor & i shall forgive you luh "
AWWW. thats sweet. cause. i know he did not blame me. yet he like so forgiving , still ask me eat breakfast alrd.
awwww. larry if only you are 17 ! i would b the first in your line k (:
hahaha xD bt IF ):

Another accident ! is well. bitch bastard & son of a bitch !
this is all bastard fault that the whole family is named by me LIKE THAT!
sorry bastard !
well. HE IS SO GEY GAO OKAY , TELL HIM NOT I CALL ONE ALRD! keep blaming . WHY YOU ALL SVCS LIK TT ! NEVER CALL AND ASK WHO NEVER COME BLA !
tell you NOT I CALL ONE ALRD! cheeebye. i donhave your num how to inform you lah!
asshole !
thn he said. call manager. i wanna know who call me &stuffs!
I M JUST A RECEPTIONIST ! & PLUS I M NEW UNCLE !! --"
so , bloody just shut & go to your damn queue okay
and his queue was just like .. 1 MORE NUMBER!
fuck you bastard. so geygao for wht ! --"
bloody bastard.
so all the while his .. son of a bitch was walking ard cant you bloody helped me out !!
JUST A FUCKING RECEPTIONIST. CHEEBYE =="

anw. thn met jo dinner.
and talked about Jiawei.
fuck . i m gng t let go.
shit. i m emo .
urghhh, he is online & .. nothing more.
his nick was . jiawei , dane ... sunshine bla * fuck!
--"
i have a quarell w mum & i made her cry.
god. kill me .
i hate myself.
adolescene teenage girl . maybe i m just a xiao ahlian.
shdnt depise lian thn, hais =x

I m tiredddddddd.
freaking tired of me & him ,
i m like nobody to him .
i hate to see that his blog have another new blog link of girl.
Hate t see , FUCKING hate to seee .. new girls photo on his blog,
MA DE --"
though i m nobody to him.

Yes , this is the reason why i decide to get over him
cause. i cant see any reason why not to.
though jo gave me lots of reason why not To .
bt , well. thy are just reasons. no factual or what
..

Reasons to get over him :

• Cant see any future w him
• too insecure. ( too many girls falling around him __
• Too handsome. ( fuck , is tt a reason ? )
• he lied.
• i never once imagine that i feel like . kissing him ? ( OHGOD, --")
• i m mad.
• there are better guys out there.
• HE DONT SMOKE?
• Too good to be mine ?
• He is not rich ( i m materialistic okay ! --" )

Reasons not to get over him *

• He is a good guy ?
• He asked me out. ( JUST TWO OF US ) !! ( JO CLAIM BY THIS PT , HE DOES HAVE INTEREST IN ME)
• i m okay for him. ( Not ugly what !!! )
• HE IS HOT !
• i like him once & still abit now.
• i m mad.
• he dont smoke !?
• HE STUDY WELL. WORK WELL. FIT & HANDSOME
• he is damn hot !
• i find no other guys hotter thn him. ( well except . yan ya lun )

Shit. common test is ending soon

i m gng to have the .. courage soon.

to make myself. joke of the day --"

i love you , yes. bt loving you make me feel like a idiot.

fuck. is okay if i leave? doesnt it matters to you . those dance , flirty msg, and caring concerns.

does it goes to others girls too ?

why do i feel inferior to you.

i m not. fucker --

CHUI --"

Right oover the top , yes its my proof of my obsession over him

why like that ah ? i also donknow leh.

Anw, main post tday is not abt Jiawei

it is about me myself and i , and yes i considered that a quite secretive thing .

so thus i m posting it here. w no one to comment yes?

well anw , though nt all i m posting about is him. bt got some got him lah.

Well. everyone knows i obviously LOVE him to the core =x

Anw. yes , i regret alot of things i have done . from past til now.

and that greatly includes lying to the one i love . regardless of friends or family .

Nobody knows my lies . am i tooo superb in covering thm up or did they not want to expose the lies cos thy know i would be embarassed.

& yes. some lies are fuccking unrealistic. i don believe thy donknow its just lie.

--" anw. till nw i m stil lying, i hate it . hate myself

bt seriously my lies are like . covering it up for my own zibei-gan.

my lies is to protect myself from being hurt.

my lies are just another world for me to live in.

it didnt hurt. so shd i stop ? its starting t become a habit now .

Anw . i regret quite alot of things.

pinhao. cheehow , alot lah . shunxing , weifeng , hongkai & fuck yes i regret yongquan .

evrything is so right. everything , yes until he got busy w some asshole stuffs and let me rot and die.

& thus i decide to give up him,

peers and so.

shit . i missed out bike and so.

fuck , he is such a good catch. dmn it ,

yes i regret , bt he has flown away, no way he is gna come back.

and yes. i duno how t flirt and i m not a very pretty girl.

I said not very* NOTED.

bt yes i do think i m satisfied w my looks. i m pretty ,yes i know i m w my make up. without it. i m nthg though --

Dno. i m always guessing ppls feelings for me , yes i m always like playing too cool for them

i shd chg this though.

girl said : its okay to be flirtious w th guy you like.

well. jw is not gng t fall for any anyway.

i m just tooo low for him

forget it jw. i m . just tooo tired for your nonsense .

i m feeling so tired everytime i talk t you.

like example i msg you. evrytime i will seee whether you got msg back nt, evry few seconds noted. NOT HOUR IS SECOND.

ffuck --" i m like obsessed over you lah.

and yes if you dont reply , my whole day will be ruined.

if you did reply , you wont reply more thn 5 anw

so the day is ruined too.

& i m only gng thru your mind only when you are bored. only when ppl you msg wont reply you.

shit. zhangjiawei. wht am i to you seriously ?

dog ? so that you can call here when you lk. and chase away when you dont?

Fuck.. yes i donwant to think until you so bad luh.

but. all the things you do just show you treat me like Dog?!!!

--"

i m in no mood to post now agn! shit --"

i m gng t bed. gg sentosa w my dearest tmr (:

photos up in my own blog sooon

Anw i m so gng t make a xmas card for my dearest sis - jojo .

and yes i m gng t shop fr sis lovelies xmas gifts soon --"

shall ask sumone t pei me.

and yes. i wna shop for tt assshole guy one tooo.

(:

Fuck lahs.
shit shit shit !
cheeeebye seriously .
i think i m fucking stress-ed , i swear my tears just cant help it when i think of him now.
he gave me too much Empty hopes. and yes.
it was nothing , i was nothing to him.
no one important , just some asshole that msges him, just some asshole he dont bother to get back my number. JUST ANOTHER ASSHOLE. do you understand!?
Anw. seriously lah,
alot ppl also say , he cfm got interest in you one leh. arbo why he like that, dance sumore eh. ;D
WTF. those ppl fuck off and die. give me more false hope.
bt zhangjiawei ah, whats ur problem uh!
why do you hv to give me false hope and so.

do you knw its more hurting this way,
i rather in th first place you just ask me fuck off and rot and die.
i m happy , yes i m happy when we dance , happy when we smsed along and play
happy when yes my alarm ring 7.3o i get to morning call you and hear your voice.
what more. bt to you , its just sian and sian , and yes you happy you msg me a lil while.
you buay sian , you just fuck care me ,
fuck la.. i m gng t try all my best forget you.
BTR STILL ERASE YOU FROM MY MEMORY ,
yes i m drained. my eye is tired. my heart is very dry now,
very chui feeling .
i hate it.
and yes. thanks to you , i got nobody now.
FUCK OFF . SHOOO . DON EVER BOTHER TO TALK T ME !
DON SEE ME , SEE ALSO PRETEND I M ANOTHER SHIT K !

All my hopes are once again shaattered .
thank you ah zhangjiawei.
you make everyone think ,"yesyes, now jl got chance le " & thn now you make everybody pitied me.
fuck. i don like to be pitied on, i don like,
why m i nt good enuf for you ? wtf happen to you . pls tell me man.
just bcos you lost your phone , you jus cut off all contact w me . i really dont knw wht i did wrong.
you are always like that.
just come and go as you please.
fuck you okay! i m nt a hotel or wht fuck.
cheeeeebye. seriously.
i really donknw wht th fuck i m waiting for ? what fuck ?!
the last few days after np45 seriously is th most fucking happiest memories you give me.
am i saying byebye nw?
FUCK. JW ,I DONWAN TO SAY BYEBYE LAH!
--"
i m not inferior okay. i stilll think i one day more pretty thn one day sial --"
lame onnly

Arghhh .rrrr. grrr..

i m feeling veryvery bad now !\

i wish i got a knife now. so i could kill myself.

well. i could really jump down now if things got worse.

i hope not..

As if jw didnt talk to me , or reply me last night isnt worsee enough for me,

i fucking got warning from lecturers that if i skip any more fucking bored lessons , i mfucking gnna get debar lah --"

fuck only --"

And as if that wasnt enough,

Tday he fucking Nver talk to me again.

& as if that wasnt the end. mummy fucking come and see my make ups.& found out i took her cliques lipgloss. SHIT I WAS SUPPOSE TO PUT BACK --"

but well.

--"

And yes , my dearest winxwinx just tell me she saw jw with girls . pretty girls .

weifeng w girls .

yes i admit i don like weifeng. bt somehow i want him to still conc on me .

& i seriously think well, he is scary , i cant trust him now =x

barrier. sorry wf ):

say i m selfish. i donknow . fuckshit .

i donknow why i become lik tt lah.

AND FOR JW . i said i wont give up.

well till now , havent chg! bt soooon la

somehow i m sick and tired of his attitude towards me

i m sick and tired of empty hopes.

really damn sick and tired is , i must always make the first move.

its tiring to like a person , and wanting him to notice you.

i seriously only hope that you would just . notice me

am i so insignificant serioously?

who have you hurt? your blog?

hais. i m gng t go crazy le.

fate. wht is the nexxt one ?

fuck i m so gng t slp ! tmr 8 class!

cheeeebye btr dont let ! 3gu wil just kill me.

chop my head off --

kkk la! ciaos. (:

Tears just keep rolling uncontrolltably down my cheeks,
thinking over and over again,
whether the decision i made is right?
well, i still havent made it final , promise ben&sisters tday will be the day i decide wht route to tk .
Give up zhangjiawei, or . Give it my all.
不到最后 , 我不会放弃 .
which one shoould i choose ? is my love deeep for him to endure all these 暗恋的痛苦.
or is my love easily broken , like now this situtation i would choose to give up
hms, neither of these choices is good , bt i stil have to make one and stick to it ,

Well. Holding on although it is painful bcos i donknow how much i can endure
i donknow when i would suddenly feel too pain to carry on,
i donknow how much the girl love you, how much you love the girl.
i donknow how long i can hold on.
i donknw even i hold on , will you be touched.
Benedict told me , i would have a higher chance . is he sure?
how sure cn he be?
have you told him smth?
bt he said no. you didnt mention to anyone , nt even ben abt me,
the dance ? is it fake? You thought i m just one party girl.
i m so soorrry boy. that is so wrong,
i m a traditional girl. i hold on tight to my stand . i m nt one that let ppl hold my hand easily or believe any fuck talk without action ,

what m i seriously ?
what if i just give up now?
just cut off all connection to you.
i dont believe you do not have any interest in me ?
i seriously dont think now i cant pei shang you?!! what fuck!? why cant i ?
boy i seriously tell you, i m not a plain jane anymore.
i m presentable . i m not only being able to satisfy a few glance of others.
I m now able to let people fall , just fall w me ,
I M A CONFIDENT GIRL. i wont let you nor anyone spoil what i have now of myself.
seriously , i still wonder why you lie to me?
you know that one is me thn you come over de. why still gey siao , are you jiale?
hai. i donknow you lah. wtf ==
i really donkw. to9 i will blog my answer thn. ciaos(:

Darling isnt it ?

this pict is like fuckingggggggggggg nice luh .

thanks to winx sister. well. i know she cant see it. bt i still wanna thanks her (:

Anw. its a really funny thing how fate plays a part from meeting him .

Its how a wonderous thing why i just cant forget this person .

its how a miracle how fate keeeep let me bang onto him ,

keeep encouraging me not to give up him .

hms, i just cant forget how inferior i felt to him .

he is the light. the limelight of all.

The Prince of all the girls/bitches .

But me ? i m just a simpleeeee girl , i m yearning for a simple love.

i m just a plain girl next dooor that might satisfy just a few glances of others.

Would Prince like this kinda girl ?

i really got nothing attractive for you to fall in love w me .

Confidence seeeping away gradually . i just cant act all high and mighty & perfect when ya w me .

i feeeeeeeeeeeel like a fuckard.

bt boy. i really wanna be w you .

From the moment i saw your eyes among those Crowds of people .

i Knew from the looook, i m seriously gng t get played by fate.

i tried hard nt to get close to you . i set a barrier up to th stand that we only cn be friend.

bt you put my barrier down. by just saying miss ya.

why ?

are we just friends or more?

Its a miracle that i met you in np45.

At first i thought nothing will happen cos you just walk pass me and took a glance at me.

But fateeee. hahaha Fate (:

you came to us . and thn you somehow ask me

Are you jiale .

My god . your voice that scene. its like so magical.

(:

Somehow whn you tell me you dont regconize me my first reaction is tell you itz bcos i m insignifigcant to you ?

i rmb once you told me , you cant rmb me bcos i m so insignificant to your life.

meaningless passerby uh.

however. halloween night. Is really the most magical night for me,

you held my hand tight and dance.

sway to the music when we dance.

you touch my hair. and hold me even thy let go .

why ? do you have tht teeeny weeny feelings too ?

magical magical. Now? what should i do ?

i m so afraid of losing you again .

Its like we are making such big progress now. wht if i just give up now ?

what will happen?

Joyce? is your heart still w her?

are you willing t try to accept me as your just inferior girl ?

I m really hoping for a answer from you somedays .

Zhang jiawei ? will you give me all that i yearn for ?

and let me feeel those touch and proudness thy once gave?

will the one be you ?

goodbye just two words

Like a cat seriously.

i feelt like crying. damn it .

Anw. i save his picture i donknw why lah.
i say i m gng to forget him
But thn , i say one set i do another
there , in Public ( Friends&Family) i m trying lik fuck to forget him yet in private i m here blogging and saving his picture.
i cant find the picture that i like most * the one he is pointing middle finger while webcamming ):
i like that the most ! *Crys.

Well. Knew something from benedict dk after so long,
Well. am i suppose to be happy and jump ard knowing or shd i be sad?
Hms i shd be happy that i once live in his heart shdnt i ?
But well. thats the whole fk-ing point .
He like me before , In all the while i am feeling damn inferior to him .
he like me .
argr.rrr. i donknow what made him gave up But according to what ben said
: He like you that time , maybe miscommunication made him ** Assume** That you dont like him Hence he GAVE UP !!
PS: Like hey when did i ever said or hint that i dont like you uh ZHANGJIAWEI ! can you don assume anot ah!!
well heading back to the point .
He like another girl now. Joyce shd be.
he is so into her.
well , his personal msg is getting sadder and sadder day by day.
Hurts me .
well. i m not sure can i let go of him ? but what shd i do ?
i m like a scaredycat. i cant go talk to him alrd .
i m so scared that he wont reply me again. I AM SO BLOODY SCARED LAH!
only way is to find out him from benedict , Only way is to cry lik fuck , Only way is to forget him
i knw its all going to be a hard process , but what more can i do ?
well. nd after this end . i promise & i swear i will never love a person b4 i m certain he like me.
i swear uh.

Its truely amazing how fate can twine & play w two person at its finger.

Byebye zjw.

its a fact that i love you once & love you now.

But maybe its not deep enough for you to find out.

or you are not observant enough.

well. only word left to say is - BE HAPPY ALWAYS

I really cnt understand WTF i did wrong?
why sudd things turn out lik that ?
He suddenly , Just suddenly rip me off my chance of befriending him.
suddenly his attitude towards me chg 360 degrees.
Why ? What did i do wrong ? What did i do to him to deserve this?
he said he would try to treat me btr. bt things turn out opp.
why ?
i said in my previous post i wanna leave bt i cant .
缘份这件事有够奇怪
我不期待却偏要来

Why come alrd thn don make it hpn ? why sty in this kind of fuck friendship that i cant stand?
i want you to be mine .
wanted you to be thr when i fall to catch me & it all
its alrd .. 6th day i m nt talking to you .
will you miss me ? guess not.
thr are so many pretties out thr right ?

hais.
i miss you ZJW .
Fate brought us to be this close why not another step more?
did "she" think i m unsuitable for you.
i donwanna be alone =(

I talked to him ,
yes . Noted that i talked to him tday first.
short replys he gave. made me feeeeel he dont reaally wanna talk t me.
what should i do ?
should i wallow in despair . DAAMN FUGG feeling now. i don like that .

Thr is a distance somewhr in betweeen us.
and it so happen after we didnt talk for 2 days.
maybe . fate doesnt bring us tgt.
maybe , fate also thinks that i m more inferior compare to you .
maybe , maybe , maybe. maybe i think tooo much , &
that cause me sadnesss.
yes. you deserve better
i m sorry , i dont deserve such a good guy lik you .
i will try . from tday not to contact you anymore.
i will just imagine .. New urban don exist anymore.
i m sorrry if i did cause you trouble . i m sorry if i intrude your peaceful life.
i m leaving now.
& i will shed no tears for there is no sadness that i m bringing .
i will smile .& Face you somedays. if thr is any possiblity .

Sorry , i cant be your friend .

Yes this is my 10post here.
i just have too much secrets that is un-say-able.
hms,
I know that i think too much , chg targets too much . expect tooo much .
bt when i really want t put my heart into it , nthg good wil turn out .
i m gng t post 2 Person tday .

One , i wish t tell him all the best. bt i cant . so i might as well do it heere. & let him find out himself.
Second, ZhangJiawei. ( I wil talk abt this first )
this is a guy toooo good for me , i felt inferior t him.
a feeeling i never got for any guy ,
i got a feeeling this guy will be a hard t catch . people tell me that

"just give up lah him"
"new urban male guys leh , all playboys leh you catch what"
" hms, if he really that good , you w him also will got trouble"

even now nt tgt , i feel th pressure.
i feeel that he hates talking t me .
bt obviously , how true it is , i donknow .
Cause thrs a incident we 3 days no contact no talk at all . at night when i online he talk t me miraciously ?? i donknow how t spell that word actually? --"
and alot of times when we long period of time never contact he will sudd yo me ?
does it happen if this guy don like talking t you or have no interest in you ?!
anw, he gave me his number also ! SO I DON BELIEVE HE GOT NO INTEREST IN ME ! fuggers. stop telling me give up him lah! --"

Anw , i donknow , 2 days since i talk t him ,
i seriously buay tahan liao.
i thought of him when i go shopping tday, heart keeep calling for him ,
i neeeed t talk t him seriously , tt pubor kia!
he told me whn imsg him why online didnt talk off9?
he reply me lik so fast , th most fast sms he send i shd say.
he reply , my internet no connection leh,
so i (maybe blur) says: huh thn you online?
he says : errr , got bt i online desktop msn cnt use leh.
i says: huh cnt use why online
apparently he couldnt understand wht i trying t ask.
so he replied: i online bt cnt talk leh. stupid msn spoil.
so i reply : haha ok nvm,
& yes th conv end here
i admit i m down ytd.
well . what can i do right? just hope he will miss me too ?& thn miracriously Again!
he will msg me somehow. sms spoil tabi , i don think hp will spoil right?
hais. lets hope&hope okay ?


Anw , mickey chenjiahao.
i sincerely you can gain happineess frm her.
i read your nick over and over again.
i can tell you are happy now.
anw, just t tell you
i don hate you now.
i quit those things , i quit missing you in th middle of the night
i quit trying t do stupid things bcos of you .
i have quit you. (:
be happy for me shall you ?
i promise i will surely be happier thn you .
a bet i make w you thn , & now (:

i rmb you say one day you never say those ridiculous thing t suan me , you will feel unease.
are you feeeling it now? i miss you
ZJW.
AhazyEye you have,
how many secrets do you have beneath all these.
. i miss you alot alot. i wana crap w you Now ! ):

Hellooooooooooooooooo people .

i m not quite free these days. so bi jiao less post here le!

Anw , last night he talked t me , ohmygod.

I M DUPER HAPPY!

bt he said tt he feel tiring talking t me ! NOT ONLY THAT HE SAY I KIAM PA BIN leh!

fuck hor him !! --"

frm last time until now always suan me ,

bt , i also donknow why , can last till so long ,

hms. just now online talk t you , you never reply thn you offline.

so.. i have alot of questions now.

yoo hate t talk t me?

you like t talk t me ?

we got chance tgt?

hais. i really like you alrd. don make me fall and leave k (;

muackkks

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebye !
i m so pissed off ,
well i did enjoy my day w my favourite girls dng mooncake!
bt thanks t my dk Budddddddddddy!
i spend 3/4 of the days thinking of tht Pubor ! WTF!
i cant believe i said this , who th fuck is he man!

I donknow . how m i suppose t face this shit now,
you come & you go .
no warning , its like i m a hotel.
suka suka, you came in and stay awhile , thn suka suka , you moved out,
me left w no choice , you come entertain you lor.
go leh? what about me?
hey fucker. i think abt you , i thought of everything,
i hate empty hopes. i waited 3/4 or more of the day for one msg,
why sia?! you just abit handsome only .
what th fuck am i thinking !
wlan eh . you nt online now. msg oso donwan reply? you gone for good ah?
cheeeeeeeeeeebye !

Now he online lah! bt wht ! fuck leh.
he never talk t me
cheeeeeeebye okay! --"
i donknow why i care alot ! i just care-ed .
i dno , i know i now also sian 1/2
why sia ? you tell me so much , now you didnt do anything also!
wht sia you! PUBOR ! i hate you lah! --"
EMPTY HOPES.
i hate you. puborrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr kia

I got my heart in my mouth !
its like my heart is thumping so so fast while see-ing you appearing online & didnt talk t me
i m betting w myself ,
will he talk t me?
wil he wil he ?
i donknw, second guy ! fate?
past two days sms & naming and such , brought me fun and laughters.
and tday i m hopelessly waiting for your msg , which is never-gng t come.
i feel , broken ,
as though you are every where now.

call me flirt if you want. bt i miss the two of them greatly
when will it become 1 ?
when will i become the one. when can i stop dreaming and settle down nicely?
i donknw? all those broken answers to my broken dreams
would you be the one t give me those links t my answers.
i have been waiting , thinking i m unwanted and such ,
would you be the one , holding my hand and breaking those curses of unwanted.
i always think why m i th one god neglected.
i m beautiful arent i ?
why are those eyes not on me? why m i stil left on the shelf while everyone starts t get attached t their other half.
fuck ! fuck this arrangement !
fuck you for nt talking t me !
fuck you lah!

i got thousand of questions for you pubor !
why not me ?! --"
okay, i m feeling super down now!
shall do things tt make me happier ! (:
like . msg-ing some one? haha
disturbing him
anw, shd i not or shd i hurt Ong shunxing? ahhhh
mother fucker! i donwan think of it anymore!
ciaos ):

Blogging time.
yes , i m nt here t say about mickey this time.
bt 3 guys in my life.
Now ?

First guy - Shunxing ,

• He is Handsome ,
• Dressing Style is bad
• Caring for everyone
• Does nt have a girlf for ages& suddenly wanna jio me .
• Sms me everyday .
• show me care & concern .
• I m nt sure if he is serious.

Second Guy - Jiawei .

• Handsome ,
• Good dressing style
• Sparkling eye.
• Talking like joking.
• Always suan me bout everything.
• i misses him sometimes.
• My friend jojoyee . - interested in him too
• I m nt sure if he is a good boyf
• He got 1 fucking std b4 only !? --"
• I meet him in new urban male , ohhhhhhhhh so handsome was all i can make out.
• Well , he`s abit bhb );
• sad t say uh =x

Third and the guy i love most. ( probably nt love , like should be what i can say )

Winson is his name

• Avg looking.
• My dream had him b4.
• Fate plays huge part for me meeting him .
• I like him . i cant say out anything ,
• He makes my day when he talk t me
• His words always melt my heart. just lil small talk will be enough.
• i like him . yes i do.

i guess i had the answer in my heart now. believe me. i will fight till th day i die. hais

Yo mickey secret blog again?
i just have the temptation to write again .
had my orhNi tday . i search th whole chinatown for it .
maybe its cravings. maybe its becos orhni is what he promised me , or maybe its because i think too much .
everytime i pass through , or go through all the memories places we once go to . or promise we would go to somedays.
i would think of you.
chinatown , vivo, bukit batok 1 head , my living room, hillgrove secondary, fajar market , Lrt stations , stjohn headquarter.

I am not sure if you still remember all these places we once go.

all those memories we once shared.

those lover-words we told each other.

i cant believe i m alone now.

what went wrong boy ?

what made yoo leave , i miss you .

miss holding on to you .

miss holding your hands and feel that you are always here

miss that .. whatever i do , thr will always be you here supporting me

miss that .. no matter how long the day is , at last in the dark, silent night i will be able t hear your comforting voice assuring me that everything will be alright.

i miss you , mickey chenjiahao

i know that everything is too late to return to the past .

i know that your heart isnt here anymore.

i know the girl you call "your girl" will nt be me anymore

i will try very hard to erase you from my memories.

my baby , my goodbye

my sincerest blessings to you(:

i cant say i would forget you this fast

bt , like i say , i would try .

i know your girl isnt me . iknowyouarehappy

your nick says so ? doesnt it.

面对你的时候 我不会舍不得

my nick says these now.

im making sure i wont forgive & forget

i wont push all the blame to myself.

i know you have been cheating on me . zhupipi.

all those memories. i know . they are all fake.

man-made . i know they are.

natural feelings. who would give me ?

this blog. will be forever here.

i wont close it down nor would i let anyone close it.

my mickey , he will be in my heart somewhr.

the mickey , i would allow him to go anywhere he want. as long he dont bothers about my life.

zaijian.

我想我还是不够成熟

还达不到你的要求

我真的没有想的太多

只是怀念你走以后

离开难道真的是解脱

难道真的要事过境迁了以后才懂

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
倔强抬起头 决不让眼泪往下流

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有

真的不难过 笑着和你挥挥手

我想我还是不够成熟

还达不到你的要求

我真的没有想的太多

只是怀念

你走以后

离开难道真的是解脱

难道真的要事过境迁的以后才懂

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有

倔强抬起头 决不让眼泪往下流

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有

真的不难过 笑着和你挥挥手

如果有一刻 我们有缘在见

你会不会想起说过的永远

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有

倔强抬起头 决不让眼泪往下流

倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
真的不难过 笑着和你挥挥手

I dreamt of Him Tuesday night,
He is back by my side , i can hug him tight , i can slap his big big cute stomach ,
i can play funny jokes on him , i can sit by his side and talk everything under the sun w him
Its a nice dream , i swear if i got a choice i wouldnt want to get up .
i would love t see his face even till forever.
in tt dream i could.
i miss him , miss all the past , beautiful , ridiculous thing we did tgt ,
yes it all re-appear in tht dream again . i miss you .
do you remember all the silly things we do .
bets we made about chou gong jiang gui .
tattoo ,and such
you chg alot after we break , i always wonder am i th reason for your change?
did you suffer ? did you ever miss me .
i miss you alot . i cried and cried everyday rmb-ering all the promises you gave me.
the yelllow , nov 13 bear you gave me on our first meeting
everything just triggers the past of you and me .
i miss you . i do , i miss everything ,

21st december , you are gone , you told me i m your burden
you want to let me go and find my own happiness ,
i donknow what i have done. i donknow what you know
noel ? mark? or who? i donknow what i have done wrong.
people told me you wont turn back anymore when we fought for the first time
i did nt believe even i have recieve that Zhu pipi msg
i trusted you with all my heart. & you betrayed my trust .
it was a girl , it was not me, you bluff-ed me that you wanted t slp, & accidentally that msg was sent t me.
was it fate that wanted me t know?
even though i refuse to let go .
i donknow how t live without you , i have become so dependent on you in tt one month one week relationship .
you brought me to places , you took care of my injuries , blow my hair , sleep w me , cook for me
i really do not know . whr has gone wrong ,
the few days after we had break is torturous for me.
i do not know what t do except t sit down and cry for you . for our past.
i suddenly lost my mind , i suddenly lost all my skills & brains and everything
i forget what i did t memerise guys . i forget hw did you ever like me ,
i forget everthing. i even forget how t fucking tk a bowl of rice.
i could only open up your friendster and talk t the computer like i m talking t you.
People started to ask me Whr is mickey ,
I DONKNOW WHAT TO REPLY. what should i reply?
i donknow or should i say i donwant to reply , because it brings back everything i tried so hard to forget ,
because i suddenly can see , i really have no control over what time or whr you gone to .
i don want this , i want t be in control of your life like last time.
bt i know somewhr is not possible anymore.
suddenly i find it even harder to remember your face , i find it hard to believe all your words , all that you told me .
up till now , everything is fading one by one ,
those shilloutes that will sit w me lik you are here hugging me tight is lost .
those smells that you once left behind in my house is gone now,
Now even those memories have gone blury .
one day i believe i will wake up from this nice Nightmare,
i will forget you someday and accept a new relationship
someone will took over you like you took over glenn`s

Now everytime i open up another girl blog , i would see your face
no , not beside mine of cos . i would seeee your face w her in a picture .
i feeel sour inside ,
i m jealous of her
everything she`s got to replace me .
why did you chooose her and nt me
i chg , i chg alot , i m better thn her.
why did you not chooose me

Oh yes, what a nice one.
i m blogging here again .
He is with Her alr. oh finally.
He finally got his happineess. Yanting , the girl he jio-ed lik 6 months plus.
thy finally got tgt.
i know she means alot to him . & i know he will be happy from now-on.
But , i just cant put my heart at ease about her.
I know she will hurt him , she is just a small girl , can she really give him his happineess
i m so worried that she might hurt him anytime. i m so worried one day andy might tell me that ,
"hey jl , mickey just cried over her"
i donknow what i will do ? i really don understand why do i care abt him so much still .
its like i haven got over him. or do i ?

On another hand , i had just have a nice conversation w winson.
not long , bt its really nice & sweet.
no , not that sweet. its that kind of hidden sweet feeling.
he actually do notice when did i not come t class, late. & sorts of things.
its actually quite sweet to me that he notices these small details.
& though he is lik super skinny & not tt good-looking.
bt , i really hope nature would eventually let me be w this guy (:
yes , i really do want t understand him more
be it w him or , gd friends. (;

Heylo. oh its time t blog in private blog again?
lol. yes it is.
have yoo miss me ?

Anw. i have decide though its mickey blog
bt i will post abt private things in my life.
all the guys. yes all.
& yes of cos mickey & his girl.
yes . everything tt i donwan ppl knw i shall blog it here


- winson . yes a guy in my class , he fucking compare me w a ginna face girl & he fucking say she win me lorh. thanks ar winson.
i cnt win a ginna lorh. --"
hahaha, bt well nvm, cos he say xuehong didnt make up & i have , so he thinks she is much more natural pretty. & fine lorh,i admit i donlik i never make up also . --"
i don have natural prettiness lah!
tday i heard mao say tt winson talked abt me all th times
& tt set my mind thinking , why does he talk abt me?
bad or good things? do he miss my presence sometimes?
Do he?
& WHY did i think so much abt him?
th first thing i did when i m online is seee he online anot?
don tell me jialing is right? i have fall in love w him?
have i ?
bt he isnt my type , no tattoo , no smoke , he don even like beng.
& have i fall w such a guy .
he isnt even what i call , one looook - handsome.
bt he gave me a somewhat kind hearted. & i know he is (:
he gave me a nice impression, & is this what i m lookin for?
bt i cant lik him can i ?
bt why does i keep on thinking about what this guy said abt me?
is tt impt t me? hais.
i will end here. i have no moood t continue anymore
sorry .

NowNow , its my secret blog , since yes , my blog have viewers.
& i swear not t mention him anymore. which is a LIE !
cos i will mention him here! & tsk no one know!
even when i have a hubby , yea ! he do not know.
Unless , one day Mickey go blogspot.com & type his full name.
which is impossible? so this will be hidden forever.
only for my own visual comfort (:
all ofth th past i can state till i happy.
all of the bad thing i wanna say abt him or her i can say till i happy.
No one will tag , no one will ask & Imptly. No one even knows thats thr is this stupid blog!
trust me. its completely safe.
maybe jo ? if she is intrested t read? lolxD

& . FOR ME , he is someone i always wish t be with Forever.
& he is really a nice guy . first look & i know he is th one i wanted .
we USED t talk on phone every night. talking abt our ex, wht we did for them &in return .
we got back shit *
we USED to call each other names. & we USED t make silly bets w each oth.
We used t do so much tgt.
in the end i rmb-ed it more thn you.
am i erased frm your memory?
am i replaced?
Why is everything happening so fast. i cant catch any glimpse. i cant catch no meaning,
i only know you are th most beautiful man that god snatch from me .
that god arrange that we are nt meant to.

13Nov. does it ring any bell t you now?
. i swear in my lifetime. 13 nov, Hatred is forever in my heart , just like a tattoo !
& I Swear you will always be part of me.
i swear good & bad. yes you are forever in my heart.
i swear.

i miss you & those times Together.

i miss your touch,

your lips,

your eyes,

your facial complexion,

your highlighted hair,

your black hair.

yes everything.

The way you say its just a frog ,

the way you can come t my house just t pei me even if it rains,

the way you hold me close w you in front of your friends.

the way you just held my hands wout further notice

the way you hug me to sleep.

the way you munch on nice foood ,

the way your eye search for me,

the way you never get angry no matter how much i make you ,

the way your 8 calls melted my solid heart,

& THE WAY YOU REPLACED HIM (:

i love you chenjiahao. yes i wish so much i m shouting out this word ilu !
& yes i wish so much , i m MRS MICKEY , i am MRS CHEN ,
i wish so much you are my boyf . no matter wht thy say!
hais ~