I really donknow what else , where else to vent my fustrations.
only blog , only writing it down.
only singing it out, only crying
talking to others. but fuck. what more choice do i have if , i cant write , cant sing, cant talk
only blog lor.
i m too tired to tk out my pretty dairy nd start scribbling on it ,
i cant talk cos i got no voice now. it includes singing too on this point .
i spend all of my today , on one person.
Zhang jiawei. no doubt right.?!
As i have said before. i gave up him.
oh yes. good ol` me say i have gave up to him to everybody , deny evrything of him and me ,
forget him , write notes everyday and say hes a bastard when i , myself know its aint true.
but tell me , "when will a shuai ge be a good guy. when will a shuai ge be tiong xim."
yes, hes shuai. believe me.
see me and your know . hes hot lik kachiam puteh!
that guy i never . caught.

Remembering . blogging down our memories. one by one was all i can do now.
why do things have come to this state ? why treat me so good & then suddenly , one day everything change?
what have i done to deserve this ?
i shouldnt have like you, yes i know. i know damn me shouldnt have like you.
i m nothing like you, brawn , yes a lil . brain i have none.
unlike you , you have brain and brawn and everything.
you are the damn fucking hot guy for girls.
you are a girl dream.
what am i leh.
no , i neither caught anyone attention for long. i deny people that love me so heartless-ly.
wtf. i m not someone good.
i scold for nothing. i smk (once) i fought. i like to see people fight over me ,
i m fucking heartless.
i m fucking jealous of other people beauty , fucking jealous of people that are ugly and have boyf .
i m this , i m that . i m un-grateful .
i m not a saint like you , not a scholar like you . not so bloody good looking like you. not so .
arghh whatever.
i just cant match up to you .
but boy ,
i miss you. this is really from the bottom of my heart,
up til now. youarestilltheoneithinkfromtimetotime.
i know i shouldnt.
but blame you , who ask you to ask me out in the middle of the xmas eve eve night.
who ask you to ignore me after that ,
who ask you to . treat me so good that night.
you think its gentleman , cos you bloody ask me out , so you bloody have to be nice.
Hey man. that is not th bloody fucking point !
do you know that it is very confusing. one min you are good to me. so good i cant handle it.
thn the other all i could see was you are leaving without any reason.
yukkkkkkkkkkkk* Honestly . i don see any point w you being good to me.

I miss those times.
not really those, we only went out tgt for two times only.
but really you make me so happy tgt w you.
like i have own you alrd. like you are mine alrd.
i miss you. miss your silly dance steps. miss your voice ,
miss you asking me whr you work huh.
miss you telling me everything.
miss you snatching my bag. gucci or lv , doesnt matters.
miss you dancing w me, grabbing my hand . looking dwn at me like i m the only one in your eyes.
miss you asking me out in the weee morning. miss having to recieve your msg when i m just a step closer to forgetting you,
miss you leaning close to me .
miss people asking me , where is jiawei? miss people asking me , how you know jiawei hes a model you know.
miss you , miss all the silly conversation. miss all the ah ma talks. miss everything.
but its gone now.
and when people meet, their relation took a step closer.
what about us. we meet alrd. our relation took a hundred step further.
who am i suppose to blame ? what should i suppose to guess.
cmon , i was all that goody chic that night. no doubt. my makeup was a lil off thanks to bloody rain.
but you told me you dont mind. didnt you? whn i say i wanted to make up , you say dont ,
i look okay just like this. didnt you.
i took care of your friends. i talk to them . i took care of that fat , bloody drunk sinhan , didnt i ?!
I ACT SO GOOD , KIND AND INNOCENT. all for the bloody fuck you.
and what hav i got in return, missing calls, no time to msg me, no commitment.
arghh. fuck you can .

Till now. i m still wondering why,
till now i m still wondering what if that night i really tell you how i feel about you.
what will happen to us now?
Sometimes. like i say in my blog.
i really wish i m another person.
one that will makes your heart beat faster everytime you see me.
doesnt matters i m beautiful or not.
just being able to catch your heart makes me double beautiful thn what m i now.
really wish that i m one that can make you say nice words.
like eg , " you are special " , " you are beautiful , cute , adorable" etc .
Really wish that i know your every move now and then.
really wish i m one damn hot movin chic that can sway you to the music.
really wish. i m one that can see you everyday.
really wish, i m your mother ! ( kiddin , your girlfriend)
but i m none of the abv, and i would never be any of the abv.
i wish i could just . fugging forget about you .